I Took Down the Christmas Tree

So that you don't think I'm the worst grinch ever, let me explain.

We normally have two trees in our house. One the kids pretty much decorate in our family room. The second tree I decorate with our prettiest ornaments and this one is in our living room. This year we got decorated the kids' tree and we got the other tree up. I put the ribbon on it. I put the berries on it and it sat there for a few weeks with no ornaments. Honestly, it looked fine without the ornaments, but every time I looked at it, it just screamed at me, "Please finish decorating me". And so, I just took it down. Done. The second tree is no longer adding stress to my life because it's back in the box until next year.

If you're my Facebook friend, then you know I'm asking lots of questions this year about how we do Christmas.

Blogs like this one and this one really make me think that I become so weighed down with the stress of Christmas and shopping and all that comes with it, that I miss the very heart of Christmas and the heart of my Savior. I don't think He would ever want His birthday celebration to be the most stressful month of the year.

And so I decided that 2012 would be different. Derek and I have already started talking about how things might be different for our family in December 2012. But then I heard this sermon and I realized that I needed to make changes in 2011. The title is "I won't survive the holidays". The takeaway from this sermon is "I won't get lost in lesser things. I will make the most of Jesus." It's a sermon from Luke 10 about Mary and Martha and it's one of the best sermons on that passage of Scripture that I've heard. Everyone's always so hard on Martha, but where would the world be without Marthas? The problem was that Martha was distracted with the preparations. She should've prepared the best she could and then just let it go to sit at the feet of Jesus. Anyway, it's really worth the listen if you have 40 minutes of time.

After hearing the sermon yesterday, I decided to remove a distraction from my life (namely a tree that needed to be decorated). And so the tree is down and I don't feel bad about it at all.

Tuesday's Takeaway

Sometimes you just need a reminder that our God is still in the miracle working business. Sometimes you need a reminder that nothing is impossible with God. This book was that reminder and it was a good read.



The title is Sun Stand Still...What Happens When You Dare to Ask God for the Impossible by Steven Furtick

It's based on a passage in Joshua 10 when Joshua prayed and asked for the sun to stand still in the sky so that they could continue to fight a battle. God heard and answered a prayer that was prayed with audacity. I'm thinking that it doesn't ever hurt to have audacious faith!

Here are a few quotes from the book:
"The people who accomplish the most astounding things for God's glory aren't the people who feel the least fear. Often they're the ones who deal with the most intense fear. But instead of letting that fear disable their dreams, they start increasing their capacity for faith. They act on the part of God's direction they do understand. And they leave the rest up to him."

"Our audacious faith is not built on the fault line of feelings or the flood plain of our performance. We build our faith on solid ground. Higher ground. We build on the faithfulness of God."

"Audacious faith does not guarantee a crisis-free life. But audacious faith does enable you to seize the opportunity to see God's glory in the midst of every crisis in your life."

The book is full of stories from people in Scripture and people in his church who have prayed with audacious faith. And God has answered some Sun Stand Still prayers. Steven says, "If you're not daring to believe God for the impossible, you may be sleeping through some of the best parts of your Christian life."

I'm not willing to sleep through the rest of mine and so I'm believing God for the impossible. I'm praying with audacious faith and believing that God is going to answer some Sun Stand Still prayers.

If you're like me, then pick up the book and read it. It'll encourage you to believe God for more!

Finding Favor

I heard a sermon recently about being a "favor finder". This was in reference to God's favor in our lives. We pray for it, but then sometimes we don't even recognize when it when it comes.

I've been more intentional the last two weeks about looking for "favor" or those "sweet kisses from God".

Here are just a few simple ones.

A close parking spot at the mall.

I paid for a stranger's meal at the McDonald's drive thru one day and this woman went crazy with gratitude. She was blowing her horn and yelling out the window how I had just made her day. I meant to be a blessing, but instead I was majorly blessed. It made me want to pay for someone's meal every day! :)

Elizabeth has a solar system project at school (NOT my thing...projects...they may be the death of me this month of December). Anyway, a trip to Joann's today to buy dowel rods and styrofoam balls of all sizes and acrylic paint, etc. As I stood in the aisle staring at styrofoam balls, there was one, just one, solar system kit on the aisle. All items included in this kit. Honestly, I wanted to shout hallelujah in the store. I didn't, but I did just stop right there and thank God that I found favor at Joann's.

And so during this busy month of December, I have found favor at the mall, at McDonald's, at Joann's and who knows where else it's been and I didn't even recognize His favor.

Are you looking for His favor? I promise you'll find it if you just look.

For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:11

Rejoice With Those Who Rejoice

More than 12 years ago, Derek and I made a church visit to a house in Franklin. Little did we know when we knocked on the door that night, that this family would become lifelong friends. God is so good in that He gives us what we don't even know we need.

And then about 7 years ago, another friend showed up to help us unpack our boxes and boxes of things. She specifically organized my kitchen. We were more acquaintances then and now we are so much more. I love that God sends us friends that we don't even know we need. But He knows what's coming in our lives and He knows exactly which friendships need to be formed. And He ordains our steps so that our paths will cross and our hearts will be knit together.

And so, I rejoice tonight with tears in my eyes all that this picture represents. It represents two very dear friends that I do not deserve. It represents a country that I love very dearly and two precious boys from there. And it represents that God is faithful and that even when we can't see it, He is working and He is good. And now two boys are in their forever home because of one family's incredible faith and tenacity and because God always keeps His Word. He puts the lonely in families and He sends us family and friends that we don't even know we need.

Hupomeno

This post has been rolling around in my head for weeks, but I just never took the time to write it because well...I've been wrestling with God for a few weeks. And God just kept saying "hupomeno" to me over and over.

Our adoption has taken several series of setbacks and just when I think things can't get more complicated, they do. The details are much too complicated to even try to explain on this blog, but we're just in a season of uncertainty. And uncertainty just isn't my thing. If I knew how this was all going to turn out, then I could handle it better (or so I think). But it's not really faith if you know exactly how things are going to turn out.

I heard a sermon about trials and life being hard awhile back. Derek and I had gone to Chattanooga to hear James MacDonald...one of my all time favorite preachers. Funny thing was at the time, life was good and I didn't feel like I was in the middle of a trial. You've heard it before...you've either just come out of a trial, you're in one right now or you're about to be in one. And so, the Lord let my ears hear the message because He knew I would need it for a later date.

You may be familiar with the passage in James 1, consider it all joy when you encounter various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance (patience, steadfastness). The Greek word for endurance or patience or steadfastness...yes, you guessed it, it's hupomeno.
hupo means "under", meno means "remain"

So God sends us trials and testing and we need to "remain under" them. That's not what I want to do. I want to run. Get the pressure off of me. It doesn't feel good. I want to quit. This feels uncomfortable and I don't like it. I want to just fuss that this isn't fair or that He's asking too much of me. I want to give up and quit. But God....He wants me to "remain under" because when it's all said and done, He tells us that we will come forth as gold. We will be refined. And so, it's only by us "staying under" the trial until God removes it that we become more like Christ.

And so, I press on and I keep believing God for the impossible. I keep begging for the mountains to be removed. But most of all, I just "remain under" and I trust God.

Why? Because the nail that doesn't remain under the hammer will never reach the goal; because the rough diamond that doesn't remain under the chisel will never become a precious jewel; because the gold that doesn't remain under the fire will never be a thing of beauty; because the Christian who doesn't remain under the hand of God will never see His purpose for the trial accomplished and will never experience the blessing on the other side. From When Life is Hard by James MacDonald

Trials are "various". They come in different forms and sizes. Yours isn't mine and mine isn't yours, but this I can tell you, God doesn't want you to run. He doesn't want you to quit. He doesn't want you to give up. He wants you to "hupomeno" or remain under. He has good things planned for you on the other side!

October Pictures

The last few days have been busy.....

We carved pumpkins. This pumpkin was my favorite.

Matthew and Elizabeth ran in the Grey Ghost Run. For Elizabeth, this was primarily a social event. At one point, she and Taylor were just walking holding hands chatting about something...during the race.

We visited with my grandpa (the kids' great-grandpa) before he went back to Michigan.

We then spent some time collecting way more candy than we need. It's been a fun couple of days!

Wrestling with God

Genesis 32:24-32...are you familiar with the story? Jacob is wrestling with God and he says, "I will not let you go unless you bless me". Jacob, now Israel, walked with a limp because the Lord had touched him on his thigh as they wrestled. Maybe Israel always walked with a limp and that was just a reminder of his encounter with the Lord.

This is where I feel like I am personally right now. Wrestling with God and hanging on for dear life. I'm begging and pleading and asking him to answer our prayers regarding our adoption and some days I feel like it's going to happen and other days, it just seems impossible. You don't need all the details, but the adoptions in this particular country are becoming more and more complicated and difficult. I am begging the Lord to bless me and to give me the desire of my heart. And I'm hanging on until He does. But really, it's not about the blessing. It's about the encounter with the Lord. I know His blessing will come, but what that will look like in my life, I don't know.

I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that there's a part of me that fears or wonders if we'll walk with a limp the rest of our lives. If at some point in this journey, we will have a broken heart. It's possible. But it's also possible, that God will move the mountains that need to be moved and we'll have an incredible testimony of God's goodness in the story of our son. And whichever way God chooses, I know that His ways are higher than my ways. And if it doesn't go the way I am praying and believing with great faith, He is still good. I don't think we got on the wrong path...I think God just has us in a place where we'll wrestle with Him and through the wrestling, we are truly encountering God.

My Bible has a note that says "strong character develops as you struggle through tough conditions". That's where we are....we are struggling through some tough conditions.

Freaky Friday

We have one that plays by the rules and one that doesn't.

Today was crazy day at school. One plays along for the fun, the other simply refuses.

Oh well. We love them both!

Ready to Blow Out the Candle

Do you know what this little girl is thinking?
Why do I have to wait? Why are you taking pictures? What is the purpose in that? I just want to blow out the candle and eat the cupcake...waiting is no fun....
And the answer from mom is because we all need to learn patience and some day you'll be glad you have this picture.

And that's what this girl (me) is thinking too. Why do we have to wait? Why isn't our case already before the courts? What's the purpose in the waiting...waiting is no fun! And God's answer is...because I am God and I am saying that it isn't time yet. And there is purpose in the waiting because I am going to teach you many things during the journey. And some day, you'll look back and you'll thank me. And everything will be much sweeter because you patiently waited. And so we wait...that's the update. We wait on the Lord to move. Just like Elizabeth in this picture...some days I feel like I can see our "promised land"...our son. Some days I feel like I can hear him and smell him, but he's just out of reach and God has told us to wait...it's not time.

And so I cling to verses like Psalm 27:13-14 that say
I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

Conflicting Emotions

Romans 12...it's one of my favorite passages of Scripture.

And this week, verse 15 was lived out on the very same day.
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep."

One friend received awesome adoption news and so the rejoicing began.
One friend suddenly lost her husband and so the weeping began.

I had such conflicting emotions that day. On one hand, so excited for our friends. On the other hand, heartbroken for my other friend. I kind of didn't know what to do with myself.

God is enough. God is sufficient.

"My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation. My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest; the rock of my strength, my refuge is in God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us." Psalm 62:5-8

And while my emotions are conflicted, God's are not. May He be our rock in the times of rejoicing and the times of weeping.

Sweet Weekend Kisses

I call them "sweet kisses from God". Those things that show up in my life and remind me that God does hear our prayers and He is involved in the intimate details of our lives.

God has been showing off a lot the last week. I started the Believing God Bible study by Beth Moore (2nd time for me), but this time I'm believing God with an even deeper level of faith.

And so...here are just a few ways God kissed me the past few days.

1. I sent a verse to a friend to encourage her. In some ways, it was an odd verse...out of Daniel, but God impressed it on my heart as I was praying for her and so I sent it. She had just that morning written that very verse on an index card to meditate on throughout the day. Of all the verses in the Bible, God brought two friends to the exact same verse. He is so cool.

2. We're saving for an adoption...you know that. But sometimes God just gives you opportunities to bless someone else and so we did. It doesn't make sense according to the world's standards. The world says we should be holding our money tightly. But we obeyed God and He blessed us back more than double what we had given. He is so good.

3. There is someone I love dearly in Ethiopia, her name is Eden. I think of her and pray for her often. Almost every morning I buy an unsweet tea at McDonald's. Several times a week there is a girl named Eden that hands me the tea. Every time I see her nametag, I drive away praying for another Eden who's not close enough for me to hug. He is so faithful.

4. Parenting is hard. Sometimes Derek and I just feel like we're failing miserably as parents. Parenting adopted children adds a different element as well. I don't know if it's harder or not because we don't have biological children, but our house is constantly filled with conversations about adoption, birthparents, etc. And so when you get a card like this from your precious daughter, it can't be anything but a sweet kiss from God.

God amazes me. He sends me those sweet kisses just to remind me to keep doing what's right. To keep looking for those opportunities to bless others. He reminds me that He's all about people and not things. "All that is not eternal is eternally useless." C.S. Lewis

People are eternal, things are not. Let's invest our lives in people and not things and I just know that God will send you plenty of sweet kisses along the way.

Gratitude List

So, we had one of our children make a gratitude list. 25 things. You'll notice that two important people were left off the list. I guess when you make your child list 25 things that they're thankful for, you should expect to be left off the list. Maybe my feelings should be hurt that utensils and paper made the list, but mom and dad didn't. This is real life in our household...our kids think we're mean. :)

Sometimes They Do Listen

You know how it is...you bring your children to church service and sometimes they seem like they're not even listening. Sometimes I just end up frustrated during the service because I spend my time telling them to get their feet of the chair, to stop writing on the offering envelopes, to stop fidgeting so much...it's a distraction to everyone around us, etc.

And then on the way home from church, I hear Matthew telling Elizabeth about the man who had demons and how he was chained up and no one cared for him. But Jesus released the demons from him and threw them into the pigs and the pigs drowned. And then I look over and see this on my daughter's notebook page. This is simply reaping what has been sown into her life...not just by us as parents, but by a church that loves the Bible and loves Jesus. And I'm just thankful and I pray that they "get it" down to the deepest parts of their hearts. Because if you really "get it", then your life is different and then you can be salt and light to a world that desperately needs a Savior!

How Are You?

I was waiting at the school to have lunch with Matthew. I sat down next to a mom I didn't know who was also waiting for her child to come to lunch.

I asked the polite question, "How are you?"

She hesitated for just a second, sighed and with an accent said, "I am tired".

Honestly, she caught me so off guard I didn't even know what to say. People always respond with I'm fine, I'm good, Better than I deserve or something like that.

This woman had been honest. I didn't know what to do with that. And in that moment...I was back in Ethiopia or any other culture across the world. Why? Because this woman wasn't born and raised in the US. She didn't know that you're supposed to say "I'm fine" or "I'm good" even when you're not. I remember having this very conversation with my host mom in Germany. In Germany, they don't just quickly ask you how you are and then keep walking on by. They stop and they listen and they really want to know how you're doing. At least they did in the small town of Zulpich, Germany.

And on that day when I thought I was just meeting Matthew for lunch, I learned something at my son's school. I'm too busy if I don't have the time to stop and really find out how someone's doing. And I'm too busy if I don't have the time to stop and tell someone that I'm really struggling with this or that and I'd really appreciate their prayers. And I'm too busy if I'm just asking "how are you?" out of good manners or obligation, not really willing to invest in the one that I'm asking. And we're just lying when we say "i'm fine" when life is really crumbling all around us.

I read this on facebook today and it penetrated to my heart. It was a reminder to me that people matter and how they are doing matters too.

Have you considered the multigenerational impact of Jesus pouring His life into 12 people? Imagine the fruit if you were to do the same! Dave Buehring

Is Your Church Your Family?

Everyday life events become Bible lessons for me. It happens almost every day...I'm just living life and something minor happens and I feel like God teaches me a spiritual lesson. Tonight was one of those lessons.

There was a time that we lived here when we didn't have any family living close...so the church became our family in more ways than one. The Bible says weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Our church did both of those things with us. And they became our family. I told our pastor about nine months ago that I think church is like family. There are times when you disagree and you just want to walk away (sometimes run away), but you can't because they're family. You stick together in the good times and the bad. We all get frustrated with things. We don't always agree. We get our feelings hurt and we get offended. And Satan uses that offense to cause division in the church. Sometimes people just walk away from the church or God completely.

This breaks my heart and I know it breaks God's. And so, I've committed not to walk away, no matter what, unless God gives us release. And I'm thinking God will only give us release from this church family if there is doctrinal error being taught. Why? Because, we're family and you just don't walk away from family. You can fight and you can be frustrated and you can want to walk away, but in the end, you stay. Why? Because they know you like no one else and they love you anyway. And you know them like no one else and you love them anyway.

Tonight, our pastor honored a family who has been at the church for over 20 years. They have been there through the good times and bad. Everyone clapped. I stood. Why? Because I know these people personally and I love them dearly. They are good people and they understand that church is family. Have they always agreed with everything at the church...I'm guessing not. How could they agree with everything in 20+ years?

Someone said to me after the service, "I looked and saw that you were the only one standing and I felt bad for you." I said, "Don't feel bad for me. I am not ashamed to stand by myself". Some of that is just in my personality...I've always been willing to take a stand even if it meant standing by myself. But tonight, this was personal. I wasn't looking for people to join me. I was just being obedient to what I felt God prompted me to do. Some people have left our church and it hurts. It'd be foolishness to pretend like it didn't. But the decision for us is that we're in it for the long run....even if it's hard at times.

I'm reading a book on spiritual warfare and the premise of the book is this: everything visible and physical is the result of something invisible and spiritual. Therefore, only by addressing the invisible, spiritual cause can we fix what is wrong with our visible, physical lives (Tony Evans).

The battle is waging...whether we know it or whether we see it. There is a war going on all the time. And so this family is going to rally behind our pastor and leadership. I personally am going to pray with more perseverance and more passion, because I do truly believe that our greatest days are ahead. And I want to be a part of them as we rejoice together and give God the glory for the great things He will do!

I hope you love your church and that they too are your family.

This Wasn't the Plan

Do you ever have one of those weeks when things just don't go according to the plan? On Sunday I mapped out my week in my head, but by late Sunday evening that plan was out the door. My mom was in the hospital with kidney stones on Sunday. By Monday morning, my boss was in the hospital with kidney stones. I ended up going into work several days last week just to fill in here and there while Amanda was out. Mom was released on Monday evening and then she found out that she'd have need to have surgery again on Friday because the stone wasn't small enough. Anyway, that meant I was dog sitting on Friday which is super easy....except when you take the dog out the back door and close the door not realizing that the door was locked.

Friday was my "run errands" day. I had my list and I was ready to go. I had from 9-2 to hit all the stores and knock everything off my list. I was determined to get it all done. That was the plan until I realized I was locked out of the house. I could give you a whole explanation of how this happened, but it really doesn't matter. No hidden key. No phone. No garage door opener.

So Lucy (she's the dog) and I walked to our neighbor's house down the street. I don't see her nearly enough so I thought, I'll just hang out with her until Derek can come home and let me in. But she didn't answer the door.

Okay, I need a plan B. My next door neighbor might be home...I'll borrow her phone. But on the way back to our house, I ended up standing and talking to another neighbor about dogs, adoption, parenting, etc. At this point, I need a second shower of the day because it was quite hot outside. (Why I didn't ask this neighbor for my "free phone call"...no idea)

And so I head back and thankfully my sweet neighbor Cindy was home. I did call Derek, but he had a lunch meeting and couldn't leave. I told him to call my dad and tell him to just come whenever he could get away for 30 minutes (remember that my dad is at the hospital with my mom which is why I was taking a dog outside in the first place). And so, he called my dad and my dad left the hospital to come let Lucy and me in the house. I learned quite a few lessons that day as Lucy and I sat on the deck and waited.

Lessons Learned:
1) I am thankful for air conditioning.
2) Even if you're 38 years old, you still need your dad.
3) It's good to plan, but read James 4:13-15. "If the Lord wills we will do this and that" The Lord is going to determine our steps (Proverbs 16:9)
4) Sometimes God interrupts your plan, just to get your attention and to show you His plan.
5) If we were all honest, our lives didn't turn out like we had planned, but His ways are higher than our ways.(Isaiah 55:8-9)

I like a plan and I like for things to go according to the plan. But things don't always go as planned and that's okay, especially because His plan is always, always, always better.

I thought I was supposed to marry someone else, BUT GOD gave me Derek. I couldn't ask for a better husband.
I thought that I would have biological children, BUT GOD gave me Stephen, Matthew and Elizabeth. I can't imagine life without them.
I thought that I would always be a teacher, BUT GOD gave me a heart for missions and a job at Visiting Orphans.
I thought that we were done with the preschool parenting years, BUT GOD said, "No, not yet."
I thought that my life didn't need anymore girlfriends, BUT GOD continues to send me sweet new friends all the time.

And part of me wants to know what my life will look like 5 years from now. Honestly though, I know it won't look like any plan that I could put together. And the crazy thing is...I'm okay with that. I am at peace surrendering those plans to Him and trusting that He is ordaining our steps. And if I get too caught up in my plans...then I guess God will just have to lock the door again to get my attention. It's through closed doors and interruptions that He gets us on the path He has for us. And His path never disappoints!

My Sweet Pea

She's 9 today. I love her more deeply than I knew someone could love a child. I don't love her more than the boys, I just love her in a different way. She's an encourager. She should be a teacher or a nurse, because she's compassionate and she's concerned about others....always. And she'll tell you that you're pretty or that she loves you or that you did a good job.

And she's the one that announced to her crew at VBS last summer that we were getting a baby from Africa....Derek and I didn't even know that. It was news to us. And it took us almost 7 months to decide that we were indeed going to get a baby from Africa. Elizabeth wanted a baby sister and Derek and I did too, BUT GOD says "it's a boy" and so Elizabeth will remain the only princess in the family. And she's such a good princess.....

Happy Birthday Sweet Pea!

I Blinked

Are my kids really 11, 10 and almost 9? Do I really have a child going into middle school and another into 4th grade and another into 3rd?

I changed my report card in two of those grades...shocking, I know.

Lots of pregnancies and babies being born all around me. I say the same thing to every expectant and every new parent, "It goes by so fast. Try to enjoy it." About a million people told me that, but I didn't get it. But now, I get it. Now I would go back and I would do things so very different. The things that mattered then, I realize now, don't really matter. And I wouldn't wish those tough preschool years away, but I would take more pictures and take more video and just spend more time hanging out as a family. Because in the blink of an eye and the snap of a finger, it's gone.

And now I have a son going into middle school. He's mowing the yard on a riding mower all on his own now. I looked at him the other day on that mower and thought, he'll be driving in no time. Where's the little guy that made strong man muscles with his arms? And where's the guy who liked for us to read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom and Goodnight Moon at least 10 times a day?

I blinked and it's gone.



And so I'm determined that somehow I'm going to slow down time. 7 years and Stephen will be leaving for college. Somehow I'm going to blink slower and savor those 7 more years even though they might be the 7 hardest that we've had yet.

And so my advice to you is to enjoy as many moments as you can. Take lots of pictures. Take lots of video. Love each other well and find times to just be a family. Because believe me, you'll blink and your one year old that doesn't sleep through the night will be heading to middle school. And you'll be restless and unable to sleep through the night because you just can't believe that he's almost 12 and heading to middle school and it seems like just yesterday that they put him in your arms.

Blink slowly if you can!

Simply Love Shirts are Coming

So, the Simply Love shirts have been on backorder, but they should arrive this Wednesday. Hooray! Please let me know if you want one. You can order on my blog or send me an email.

They are $25 each and it all goes to help pay for our adoption.

They are the Next Level Alternative Brand and both are on brown heather (espresso). The ladies' shirt comes in both a ladies/junior cut and a unisex/standard cut. For the ladies' cut, you'll need to order several sizes up. (I wear a small/medium in most tshirts and require an XL in this ladies cut as it fits more slender).

The men's shirts fit pretty true to size (maybe a tiny bit smaller than normal), so order true to size or one up if you're debating between two sizes.
The men's shirts are brown heather as well even though they are shown here in the army green.

Thanks so much for supporting our family!

Double Digits, Baby!

This is what Matthew told someone the other day when they asked how old he was. "Double Digits, Baby! He's 10! Double digits.

And so the birthday boy/girl always gets to pick the restaurant and he picked Logan's.

And only Matthew would be excited about receiving a stapler for his birthday.



And some arts and craft supplies make it the best birthday ever.




So glad that Uncle Jeremy and Aunt Jen came to dinner along with "Regular Nanny and Papa" (no picture of them).



And we skipped the birthday cake and headed to Sweet CeCe's. It's his birthday, so I let him put a pound of sugar on his ice cream.







Love this boy! He makes me laugh until my belly hurts. He never gives up and will wear you down until you give in (he really should be a salesman someday). His birthday list included an ipad, an ipod touch, an iphone, a laptop and some iron (he's going to melt it down and make something....who knows?) By the way, he didn't get anything on that list!

Discipline

If you think this post is going to be about discipling children, you will be disappointed. While I could write a post on that, I don't know that I have much to offer. If you think our children are well behaved and well mannered and obedient, well you haven't been around my children for longer than...let's say five minutes. One of my children believes that the solution to everything is physical contact...that's a blog for another day.

I saw this quote on facebook today, "Discipline is just choosing between what you want now and what you want most".

What I want now....
A new deck
A fall trip to Disney
New family room furniture
A fall trip to Disney
Curtains in all the downstairs rooms (we have lived here since 2004 and we still don't have curtains!)
A fall trip to Disney (did I already say that?)


What I want most....
a sweet little boy from Africa

And so, no trip to Disney for us in 2011. We are postponing until next year and believe that we'll have a new family member in 2012....and then we're heading to Disney. And maybe some of those other things on the list will happen in 2012, but for now we choose to give up what we want now because we're saving for what we want most....a precious little African boy.

Simply Love Shirts

Our dossier is done! Hooray!

We are starting our fundraising for the next payments that will be due. We decided to sell these great Simply Love shirts (I'm sure you've seen them around).

They are the Next Level Alternative Brand both on brown heather (espresso). The ladies' shirt comes in both a ladies/junior cut and a unisex/standard cut. For the ladies' cut, you'll need to order several sizes up. (I wear a small/medium in most tshirts and require an XL in this ladies cut as it fits more slender). The men's cut runs pretty true to size.

They are $25 plus shipping.

Ladies Design
Brown Heather with Pink Writing (this is a heather brown shirt even though it looks like a solid brown)














Men's Design
Brown Heather (please ignore the army green :)

Hope in the Midst of Despair

We visited one orphanage that didn't allow pictures. Of all the orphanages we visited, this one needed to allow pictures. These precious children need homes and I would love to advocate for help for this place (however, it's not what they want right now). There are probably about 140 children at this home and it's simply survival at this place. Some places have a real sense of family and the kids look out for one another. That is not how I would describe this place. When I was there in May, the toddlers were kicking and pushing and spitting and hitting and throwing chairs across the room. Anger and hurt was everywhere. It broke my heart. It was almost more than I could take.

And in June, I spent more time in the baby rooms. There were probably 25-30 babies under 3 months old in one room. Two to a bed and itty bitty babies, two that were very malnourished. The majority of these babies have been abandoned and were brought to this place by the police. I don't understand it all and the system doesn't always seem to make sense. But this is the only hope for these children. And honestly the nannies are doing the very best that they can. But I think there were only 2-3 nannies for this room and you just can't consistently feed 25-30 babies with 3 people.

The older baby room had 30-35 babies most likely and I only stayed in there for about 5 minutes. The smell was more than I could handle. I tend to have a sensitive nose, but with each trip to Africa, the smells bother me less and less. But that room, I just thought I might pass out because of the smell. I knew I couldn't stay. But God calls everyone to something different and several of the team members stayed in that room and helped feed the children oatmeal.

And there was one little boy that captured my heart. He seemed like a healthy 12-18 month old, but he was in the newborn baby room. I asked why. They said that he had just recently been abandoned. I carried him around for awhile (he was a chunk) and then I'd try to put him down, but he'd cry. And he was so stinking cute, so I'd pick him up again and carry him around some more. One of the nannies said, "You take him to America". I told her that it's not that easy. If it was easy, I would've brought him home. The nanny told one of the other team members that this boy needed to go to America because he cried a lot except for when he was being held. I can only imagine why he cries and what has happened that such a cute little boy who laughs so easily cries except when he's being held. Don't we just all long to be loved by someone. I asked his name...they didn't know. But God knows his name.

And then the girls....oh my....statistics say that over half of these girls will be abused or have been abused. The injustice of it all. One very young girl who came couldn't walk because she had been abused. Another child was being burned by a family member. The heartache and the tragedy, only God can bring healing to these hurting hearts.

It was a lot to take in. Words cannot accurately describe what we saw. And even if we had pictures, I don't think they would help either. Children just starving for attention and acceptance. Children longing for a forever family whether that's reunification with their birth family or placement with an adoptive family. Statistics show though that the majority will just end up living in an orphanage for the rest of their lives.

And so all I know to do is to keep going and to keep telling them that Jesus loves them and that God has a plan for their life. And hopefully some seeds will be planted in their hearts and they will have big dreams for their lives and their families and they will become future leaders of their country. Only God can do that! But I know that God brings beauty from ashes and that what someone else meant for evil, God can use for good. I have to stand on the promises of His Word.

"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Psalm 27:13

What Was I Thinking?

So in 2010, I signed up to lead a team in May 2011 to Ethiopia/Uganda. I signed up for this trip because it was the only Visiting Orphans trip going to Ethiopia and Uganda in 2011. I love Ethiopia, but I wanted to go back to Uganda. God had other plans though, because we ended up only staying in Ethiopia because of some political unrest in Uganda.

I also agreed to co-lead a youth group in June of 2011. Not sure what I was thinking with these trips being back to back. As excited as I always am to head back to Ethiopia, it was with some anxiety and fear that I entered into this trip. It would mean joining up with a tight knit group of youth and chaperones that had been planning this trip and fundraising for over a year. And I was to jump in and co-lead and share my love of Ethiopia with this group of youth. I knew they'd be silly, but I thought they might also drive me bananas.

But God is so good and He sent me such an awesome group of youth. I love each and every one of them. It's interesting how you start out as strangers and ten days later you're family. I love each and every one of these youth and chaperones. I am so thankful for the opportunity I had with them. There are several who I know have the tug to do something "radical" with their lives for Jesus. It's going to be great fun to watch the adventure ahead for them!

Africa Pendant

If you love Ethiopia, please consider purchasing one of these pendants to support our adoption. The cost is $20 per pendant plus $1.50 for shipping (chain is not included). They are approximately 1.25 inch long and .75 inches wide. They are from a jewelry store in Addis and the countries are etched out on the pendant. Ethiopia is shaded on the pendant. The pendant is a polished silver color even though these pictures almost make it look dark gray.

You can purchase on the left hand side of our blog. Please allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

Thank you!

Lessons from the Beach

The things you learn at the beach.

Like how you start out body surfing or boogie boarding in one spot of the Gulf and then you end up somewhere totally different. And so you have to get out of the water and walk back to where you started so that your parents can keep an eye on you. But you don't really listen, at least not well, so pretty soon, you're way down at the other end of the beach and you're totally oblivious to the fact that you don't know where your parents are. But your mom and your dad...they have their eyes on you the whole time. Why? Because you are precious to them. And you are loved. And they would do anything to make sure that you're safe. They love you more than they love themselves and so their eyes are constantly watching and waiting to see if you'll cry for help.



At one point, you get out of the water and start walking down the beach. You pass your parents, you pass the family's sand toys, you pass the umbrella and chairs, but you just keep walking. Where are you going? Do you even know? But your parents' eyes are still on you....just waiting to see where exactly you're going to go. Are you really going to walk all the way down to the pier before you realize that you're lost? But your parents come looking and asking questions and you really don't have answers. You don't really know where you were going...you were just walking....down to the pier I guess.

And as this all played out on our beach vacation, I thought of how our lives mimic exactly this. We drift away from God. But He never took His eyes off of us. He didn't move. We did. And sometimes you just have to step out of the water and back away from life a little and refocus. Put your eyes back on Him.

And sometimes you're following something, you don't even know what and it ends up taking you somewhere you didn't even know you were headed. And just like the prodigal son, soon you end up somewhere that you didn't want to be. You're at the pier...completely lost....and not sure how to get back. But God never took His eyes off of you and He's right there, waiting with open arms, just hoping you'll turn around and run towards Him. He has great things for you. After all, He'd leave 99 just to find you.

Luke 15:3 Then Jesus told them this parable: 4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? 5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’ 7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

Trials

Life is hard.
I'm sure you already knew that.

One friend just put her dad in a nursing home.
Several friends marriages are in the pits.
Another friend's mother was just diagnosed with cancer.

And then there's everyday life....laundry, dishes, ironing and a to-do list that never seems to get shorter.

I've had tummy troubles since returning from Ethiopia. I finally went to the doctor and they're treating me for parasites and worms and anything else that I might've brought home. I didn't invite them, but they came anyway.

Kind of like life....we don't invite the trials, but they come anyway. And in the midst of them, we are supposed to be thankful.
In everything, give thanks...
Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials....

And so today...
I am thankful for good medicine. So many people around the world are without it.
I am thankful for an adoption journey that is already filled with days of discouragement. I know that God is with us each step of the way even in the heartache.
I am thankful for friends. How sad it would be to walk through life without them.
And I am thankful for the Bible. It offers hope and encouragement for each day.

And so thankful for this verse in Joshua, because this is what I'm holding onto right now.
Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

Sweet Reminders

I've been thinking the last couple of days about why I will continue to go even though it's hard. The first and probably only reason that I need to continue to go is because God has called me to it. But He's given me some sweet kisses along the way as well....these faces are the reasons that I will continue to go....I love each and every one of these faces....and many more!

The Purpose of Brokenness

A.W. Tozer said, "It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply."

I read that the other day in a devotional and it brought me to my knees. I've been wrestling with God since I've been home from Ethiopia. I'm tired of being "broken". There are so many conflicting emotions when I come home. You'd think I'd know how to deal with them (the emotions)...you'd think I'd be grateful for another opportunity to go and serve and then I'd be grateful to come home to a great family and a wonderful country. But that's not where my emotions rest each and every night. One phrase from a song keeps playing in my head, "I saw what I saw and I can't forget it". I saw malnourished babies. I saw houses that are entirely too small for two people to live in them, how eight people sleep in a room the size of my extra bathroom in my house, I just don't know. I saw little bitty ones playing in the road...walking right in front of the van and no one was even around to stop them from getting hit (thankfully our van was going very, very slow and we saw the little one). I saw a little girl on the side of the road wiping her bottom with a leaf....right there in the open for all to see. I went to an orphanage where there is no structure. Instead this orphanage had a room full of probably 75 two to five year olds who just hit, kick, spit and throw furniture just because they want to and maybe because no one has ever told them that it's wrong. I saw women bent over walking down a steep hill with probably 50 lbs. of firewood on their back. I don't know how they do it...I couldn't. I saw two nannies taking care of 45 children in one orphanage...about 25 of those children under the age of 1. I don't know how they do it....I couldn't. I saw 1000 people waiting in line for their only meal of the day.

How could I see all of that and come home like nothing had changed....like I had just taken a 12 day vacation to Africa. I came home to emotional upheaval. I came home to a broken spirit. I came home only able to go so deep emotionally otherwise I'd just spend my days crying. When I read that devotional I told the Lord that I just couldn't keep doing this. I was tired of being broken. I just didn't think I could handle much more emotionally....why in the world am I going back in less than a month?

And the Lord allowed me to read through the devotional with tears in my eyes. He allowed me to see Psalm 51:17 that says "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." And this quote from Robbie Symons, "Only through the soil of brokenness will the greatest fruit for Jesus Christ be produced." God uses broken people....there's all kinds of evidence throughout Scripture. God chooses to use the broken and the humble. There is power and purpose in brokenness. And so, I come to Him...completely broken, not sure of what He can make of all this mess because it sure seems like a mess to me. But He is a God who brings beauty from ashes (Isaiah 61).

And so, I'll go as long as He sends. I'll continue to allow him to hurt me deeply, so that through my brokenness and my weakness, He can show Himself strong.

Blessed be Your name

On the road marked with suffering

Oh there's pain in the offering

Blessed be Your name

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

His Ways

In 2010, I picked which trip I wanted to lead in 2011. I picked the May trip because it was the only trip going to Ethiopia and Uganda in 2011. I love Ethiopia, but I really wanted to go back to Uganda.

Well, you know the drill. God's ways aren't always our ways and we never made it to Uganda. Wouldn't you know that the day we were supposed to fly into Uganda was the same day that the new president was being sworn in and the old president was trying to return to Uganda from Kenya. The road from the airport to Kampala in Uganda was closed and their were riots on the road. So, Visiting Orphans wisely made the decision for the team not to travel and to stay in Ethiopia.

The team was understandably disappointed. We were so excited about visiting some new ministries in Uganda, but God had one place on His heart and that's where we spent a lot of our "extra" time in Ethiopia. Restoration Orphanage. As a team, we painted, we held babies, we bathed babies, we cleaned bathrooms, we sorted through clothes, we played with some older kids who desperately need some love and attention, and we fed some babies that are entirely too small. Actually some of us wept over some babies that are so tiny. It's just not right and when life in Ethiopia is already so hard, those images are the ones that I can't shake. I held one baby that was so tiny, you didn't even know you had a baby in your arms. It just felt like a blanket in my arms. The pictures don't even do justice to how tiny these babies are.

BUT, after just a few days of some good formula and some consistent feedings. They were filling out. There is hope, there is redemption and there is a future for these precious babies. Thank you to Ashli and Sumer for caring and for not turning your back to those in need. The task ahead seems impossible, but then again I know that we serve a mountain moving God and that His ways always prevail!

And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward. Matthew 10:42

Adoption Update

Hey Friends!

So if you didn't figure it out and if you're not on facebook, yes we are adopting from Africa... a place that Derek and I both love dearly.

Our kids are excited and Derek and I are once again drowning in adoption paperwork and forms. It is all too familiar as we've done this three times already, but now we're adding the international twist to it. We have completed our homestudy and are now beginning to collect documents for our dossier. Fun stuff!

I could give you plenty of reasons why we shouldn't be doing this....we're old, it costs a lot of money, our kids are all in school and our schedules aren't as crazy as they were in the preschool years, we are finally all sleeping through the night, we are old (did I already say that?), Derek said that we shouldn't jump on the adoption bandwagon (I told him we were already on that wagon), but seriously we're not the type of people to do things because it's the "in thing". We are the type of people to do things though because it's the "right thing" to do.

And so after seeing what we've seen and holding little ones that need homes, we decided that this is the right thing to do for our family. I read this a few months ago, "the key to happiness is not being loved, it is having someone to love." Derek Prince

We think we have a little more love to give and there are plenty of precious children that just need someone to love them.

And so, our journey begins....

Friday News

Do you know what this means for our family?

Hint: Read the tagline on the shirt.

This post doesn't have to do with Ordinary Hero, but they have some incredible shirts available on their website

Sweet Kisses and Football

A personal struggle of mine is work/family balance. I love my work. I love my family. How do you balance the two?

So, last week I decided to stay home from the boys' football game because I had a conference call. Do you know what I missed? I missed Stephen scoring two touchdowns. I was so disappointed. I thought, "This may never happen again and I missed it!" Bummer!

I emailed my team and asked if we could move this week's meeting by 30 minutes. I would still miss about 15 minutes of their game, but I was determined to at least go this week. Our conference calls have been at 8 every week and I pushed this week's to 8:30. So there I sat at 8 pm tonight watching Stephen's game and he made a touchdown at 8 pm on the dot. Sweet kiss from God! I am thrilled that I got to see it with my own eyes and thankful for a mission team that's flexible.

It's times like these that the Lord reminds me that He does care even about the little things. I saw the sun today setting in the sky and I was reminded just how big God is. Then God let me see a touchdown at 8 pm right before I walked out the door and it reminded me how small I am compared to our great big God, but He loves me. Oh, how He loves me!

When God Hurts Your Feelings

Crazy title, I know. This post is written from a very raw spot that God is continuing to heal. I thought the wound had been healed, but over the last month, He has shown me that the complete healing hasn't come...maybe it never will.

I think about Joseph being thrown in jail, about Job losing everything, about John the Baptist preparing the way for Christ and then losing his life. These stories make me realize that my story doesn't even compare. But on some level, I think their feelings must've been hurt. They must've wondered why God's plan was unfolding the way that it was.

A couple of weeks ago the theme in our Bible study was "You have to move past your devastation with God". This surfaced all types of emotions, one being infertility. If one more person tells me that when people adopt, they end up getting pregnant, I just might cry. We've adopted three times and we're not pregnant. We've been "unprotected" for 15 years (okay, that's too much information...so sorry). God has chosen to create our family in a different way and deep down, I'm okay with that. Deep down, I believe in the sovereignty of God and I know that the three children living in our house were ordained as ours from the beginning of time. Their adoption stories are some of the best around and I love to share them with anyone that's willing to listen.

And so I'm okay until someone who doesn't even want to be pregnant gets pregnant and says, "We weren't even trying". Or I find out that a 14 year old girl is pregnant. Or when I read a verse in the Bible that says, God closed her womb. Honestly, that hurts my feelings. I don't understand why God closed my womb and continues to allow this place of infertility to be a wound that continually gets opened. I thought I was over this...honestly, I don't want to go back to the newborn stage...it was hard!!!! But sometimes I just wonder, why God? I cannot listen to the song Blessings by Laura Story and not cry. In many ways I guess our infertility is a disappointment in our lives. But yet that very disappointment gave us three wonderful and beautiful blessings!

And so...the healing begins again. For whatever reason, the Lord has allowed this place of deep hurt and longing to surface again. Seriously, I'll be 40 next year and Derek will be 45. We don't need a newborn and we're not praying for one. I am counting my blessings...naming them one by one, because I know they are straight from God's hands.

They didn't come easy and they didn't come cheap. They came with lots of paperwork and lots of anxiety. They came with tears as we tried to adjust to 3 children under 3 wondering if we had completely lost our minds and if maybe we were infertile for a reason. :) But "stinky Satan" as Elizabeth would say would like to steal my joy and make me focus on what others have and what I don't. It's jealousy and envy...it's sin! And I am determined not to linger in the sin or stay in the pit.

This is the life God chose for our family and it's a good life. Let the healing begin...again.

Philippians 3

¹⁰ I want to know Christ better. I want to know the power that raised him from the dead. I want to share in his sufferings. I want to become like him by sharing in his death. ¹¹ Then by God's grace I will rise from the dead. ¹² I have not yet received all of those things. I have not yet been made perfect. But I move on to take hold of what Christ Jesus took hold of me for.¹³ Brothers and sisters, I don't consider that I have taken hold of it yet. But here is the one thing I do. I forget what is behind me. I push hard toward what is ahead of me. ¹⁴ I move on toward the goal to win the prize. God has appointed me to win it. The heavenly prize is Christ Jesus himself.

Blessings

Have you heard the song Blessings by Laura Story? If you haven't, you need to. It's probably one of the best songs I've downloaded on itunes in awhile....

Here is my favorite section of the song

What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

This is where God has me hanging out right now...dealing with some disappointments and trusting that His plan is perfect.

I'm reading a book called Honor's Reward by John Bevere and here's what jumped off the page, often God will send us what we need in a package we don't want.

Has that ever happened to you? I was just moving along through life and God grabbed my attention and said, "Hey Alicia, we have some things to deal with. You thought it was all good, but there's some cleaning up and healing in your life that needs to be done." I was not expecting that.

But oh the blessings that come on the other side of that. Really, I don't need to say it....she says it so well....

‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

Blessings....sometimes they are prayers that get answered. Sometimes they are the prayers that don't get answered. Either way, blessings come, because He is faithful!

Three Rules of Obedience

1. Do what you're told.

2. Do it immediately.

3. Do it with a good attitude.

Thanks James MacDonald. We are implementing these in our house this week!

I wish I could say that it's only kids that struggle with this, but even as adults, we don't always want to do what we're told. Sometimes God has prompted me to do something and I've done it but I haven't had a good attitude or a happy heart and so it's not obedience...it's just compliance.

I still have much to learn....

Why Go?

Elizabeth asked why I had to go to Africa again.

I said, "Elizabeth, why does mommy go to Africa?"

E: "To tell people about Jesus"

Me: "Yes"

E: "You've already gone and told them about Jesus, why do you have to go again?"

My sweet and precious girl that doesn't like for her momma to leave. I go because we want ALL to hear the gospel. We go because God desires for ALL to come to know Him. We go because sometimes that seed falls on hard ground and we have to continue to go to soften the soil so that they'll be ready to receive the seed of God's Word.

Paul planted, Apollos watered, but God caused the growth. Whether we're planting, watering or seeing the growth, to Him be the glory both now and forevermore.

Mentor Monday

Matthew, Stephen, Rob, Garri (missionary from Russia), Elizabeth

So sometimes you might gain a mentor through marriage. Rob is one of Derek's pre-Alicia friends and honestly I couldn't ask for a better friend. He is Uncle Rob or "Wob" as Matthew said for years.

We call Rob our "modern day Paul". He's a single guy who's given his life to the Gospel. He is a field representative for a Slavic organization called Slavic Missionary Services. He travels to Belarus, Russia, Ukraine and other former Soviet Union countries. He knows the Bible like no one else I know and he's also our "go to guy" when we need someone to pray without ceasing for us. Tough Bible question, he's the guy. If you need someone to be silly with your kids, he's the guy. He always comes with lots of fun stuff that this mom doesn't normally allow in her house....like paint and things that grow up to 600% when you soak them in water, etc.

So he was here for too short of a time this past week. He brought a Russian missionary with him. I loved having them in our house even though I am the very worst hostess alive. Garri spoke great English and so that was so much fun for all of us because Rob didn't have to translate the conversation for us.

For our friend Rob, we can truly say, "I thank God every time I remember you".