Last year around this time, we went with my entire family to Disney World. It's one of my favorite places to go because you're pretty much guaranteed to have a great time. The happiest place on earth. That week at Disney was a rough week. There were phone calls and emails surrounding some issues that were just tough. It's just not right to be crying at Disney World and yet that's where we found ourselves. Wounded by the words and accusations of others. Derek and I tried our best to put on happy faces for our kids and our family because this was a family vacation after all. A time to make magical memories and yet it was filled with hurt and memories that I'd prefer to forget.
I told Derek just the other day that it was a year ago that life just seemed so hard and I just wanted to run away or for him to take a job in Brazil or France or Japan or somewhere else because the thought of just leaving all of this behind seemed like the best and easiest option. What a difference a year makes, because God has brought so much healing to our hearts and reminded us again that "He doesn't waste anything". He will someday use the hurt to further His kingdom and to bring Himself glory.
These series of pictures are so telling of how I felt about the ministry we were involved with. The first season was filled with so much joy and anticipation just as Abigail thought she wanted to ride "The Barnstormer".
And then the third picture is just the agony of a failed ministry and of broken friendships both here in the States and in Ethiopia. Sorrow and fear overwhelmed my soul. We had given so much to this ministry and we watched it all crumble even though the ministry board worked tirelessly to keep it alive. We made mistakes along the way. There are things that we would do so differently looking back. The doors of the ministry eventually closed. Some friendships survived the fall and some didn't. I remember whispering to Abigail "It's okay, it's okay. Mommy has you. It's almost over." And looking back, God was whispering the same thing to me. "It's okay. It's okay. Your Heavenly Father has you in the palm of His hand. It's almost over."
And a year later, it's true. I feel like so much of it is over. The Lord has brought so much healing to our hearts and our family. And in God's divine timing, He gave us Abigail to bring lightheartedness and joy to our family even in the midst of great pain. The last eighteen months have been filled with so much laughter because of her. Today as I celebrate my 42nd birthday, I am reminded of God's goodness. Life is a roller coaster and mine hasn't looked at all like I thought it'd look, but the ride has been fantastic and I would do it all over again. Whether you're in the anticipation and excitement phase of things to come or whether you're on the upward climb of tough things in life or if you're plummeting down a hill and you just want off the ride, I can promise you that things will change with time. God is good and He is faithful.
Psalm 27 brought me comfort during the hard days. Verses 13-14 have always been some of my favorite verses because they are a reminder of God's goodness.
Be strong, take courage and wait for the Lord! You will see His goodness in the land of the living!
Psalm 27: 13-14 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!
