The Hardest Peace ... Expecting Grace in the midst of Life's Hard
We've had a few weeks of a less rigid schedule and that has given me more time to read which makes me happy, happy, happy. I can't remember how I even first heard of this book, but I picked it up a few months ago. It's been sitting on my nightstand just waiting to be read.
I already knew part of her story....a young woman battling cancer. I knew it would be a tough read.
As my family sat around the table on January 1st, we thanked God for the healthy year we'd had in 2014. No one in our family visited the hospital in 2014 which is always a blessing. Even though we experienced some hard in 2014, it doesn't compare to what others have endured or are enduring. But I've also learned that you can't really compare hard. Everyone's story is their own and I can't ignore my hard just because I think someone else's hard is harder. Instead as Kara encourages in this book, I need to find grace in the middle of the hard and know that God is the writer of my story.
Yes, we are healthy. Yes, I am in a happy marriage...not perfect, but happy. Yes, my husband has a job. Yes, we have four beautiful children. But this is our hard right now....one child has ADD and it's exhausting. "Where is my _________?" gets asked at least several times a day. Mom's brain is always on...do you have your PE uniform? where's your sweatshirt? where's your binder? where's your phone? It's exhausting.
Another has a personality very different from mine. We don't see eye to eye on a lot. This one is a slow and deliberate thinker. I am a quick thinker. This one takes time to warm up to people at a party and a smaller party is better than a bigger party. I love to jump right in to conversations at parties and the more people to talk to, the better. This one thinks the glass is half empty. I'm happy that the glass has anything in it at all. And so, we continue to figure out how to live together and how to compromise when we are so different.
The baby of the family thinks she should always get her way and that her cuteness should give her a pass on disobedience. I'm going to write a blog post about how parenting is different the second time around at some point. But she talks all the time and is inquisitive and asks questions all the time that I don't always know the answer to. Google is my friend....often. But the talking...all the time....it's tiring on some days.
And then there's the realization that one of the hardest parts of motherhood is to watch your children struggle. Whether it's the one with dyslexia and realizing that she reads below her grade level and she probably always will. And this affects so much...her self-esteem, her social skills, her grammar, her vocabulary. Or watching as other parents seem to have the star athletes or the academic strengths of Harvard graduates or the musical talent that will spearhead the child into a music career. And we seem to be "average" and so many things don't come easily for our kids. For one that's sports. For another that's academics and for another it's social.
But this book reminded me that this is God's story that He's written for the Jordan family. And it is a good story because He is a good God. And that His grace is sufficient even in the midst of the hard.
As I cried through this book, I also realized that this woman is incredibly kind and intentional in the way that she has mothered. Her book encouraged me to do this better in 2015. Because love is kind and sometimes I do not show or speak kindness.
It's a short read....eight chapters with 5 questions to ponder at the end of each chapter. Her book will encourage you to be thankful for the life you've been given and to embrace the goodness of each day. I need this reminder often. Kara says that this isn't the story she'd have written for her life, but in her life and in her dying, she is glorifying God and isn't that the chief end of man? (Westminster Catechism)
You can read her blog here.
