The Difference a Year Makes

Well, I took a very long break from blogging.  The last year and a half of our lives took some unexpected turns....some good and some bad.  A failed adoption of a sweet little boy.  A precious adoption of an adorable little girl.  A ministry that crumbled right before our eyes.  The loss of friendships.  The joys of a great school fit for my boys.  The struggle of balancing mom and teacher with the homeschooling of a daughter with dyslexia.  The hormones of two teenagers in my house and another that might as well be a teenager.  A promotion at work for Derek.  The changing of a job for me.  Watching my husband's character be attacked with cutting words because of our involvement in the crumbling ministry.  Watching family and friends "stick" with us even during the hardest of weeks.  And through all of that, having God's grace and healing evident in our family's life through it all.

Last year around this time, we went with my entire family to Disney World.  It's one of my favorite places to go because you're pretty much guaranteed to have a great time.  The happiest place on earth. That week at Disney was a rough week.  There were phone calls and emails surrounding some issues that were just tough.  It's just not right to be crying at Disney World and yet that's where we found ourselves.  Wounded by the words and accusations of others.  Derek and I tried our best to put on happy faces for our kids and our family because this was a family vacation after all.  A time to make magical memories and yet it was filled with hurt and memories that I'd prefer to forget.

I told Derek just the other day that it was a year ago that life just seemed so hard and I just wanted to run away or for him to take a job in Brazil or France or Japan or somewhere else because the thought of just leaving all of this behind seemed like the best and easiest option.   What a difference a year makes, because God has brought so much healing to our hearts and reminded us again that "He doesn't waste anything".  He will someday use the hurt to further His kingdom and to bring Himself glory.

These series of pictures are so telling of how I felt about the ministry we were involved with.  The first season was filled with so much joy and anticipation just as Abigail thought she wanted to ride "The Barnstormer".  

As the hill started to get steep and the ministry decisions started to get really tough, I wanted off the roller coaster.

And then the third picture is just the agony of a failed ministry and of broken friendships both here in the States and in Ethiopia.  Sorrow and fear overwhelmed my soul.  We had given so much to this ministry and we watched it all crumble even though the ministry board worked tirelessly to keep it alive.  We made mistakes along the way.  There are things that we would do so differently looking back.  The doors of the ministry eventually closed.   Some friendships survived the fall and some didn't.  I remember whispering to Abigail "It's okay, it's okay. Mommy has you.  It's almost over."  And looking back, God was whispering the same thing to me.  "It's okay.  It's okay.  Your Heavenly Father has you in the palm of His hand.  It's almost over."

And a year later, it's true.   I feel like so much of it is over.  The Lord has brought so much healing to our hearts and our family.  And in God's divine timing, He gave us Abigail to bring lightheartedness and joy to our family even in the midst of great pain.  The last eighteen months have been filled with so much laughter because of her.  Today as I celebrate my 42nd birthday, I am reminded of God's goodness.  Life is a roller coaster and mine hasn't looked at all like I thought it'd look, but the ride has been fantastic and I would do it all over again.  Whether you're in the anticipation and excitement phase of things to come or whether you're on the upward climb of tough things in life or if you're plummeting down a hill and you just want off the ride, I can promise you that things will change with time.  God is good and He is faithful.

Psalm 27 brought me comfort during the hard days.  Verses 13-14 have always been some of my favorite verses because they are a reminder of God's goodness.

Be strong, take courage and wait for the Lord!  You will see His goodness in the land of the living!

Psalm 27: 13-14 I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!  Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!

Happy Forever Family Day, Abigail!

One year ago today, we went to the orphanage to meet Abigail.   She wasn't so sure about us as the pictures reveal.  It was a sweet day with several aspects of an Ethiopian ceremony involved.  

Here Derek and Abigail were supposed to be cutting the cake, but she wasn't in agreement and she let us know!

Here I am trying to console her, but nothing really worked.

And I guess this would be our happy gotcha day picture!

Here they were singing a goodbye song as part of the ceremony.  

And the picture below is probably my all time favorite (thank you Erin for capturing these moments).  This picture represents the joys and sorrows of adoption.  As I rejoice today that Abigail is part of my family, it is done knowing that there is great loss involved as well.  I am thankful for those who poured into her life for the first 2 1/2 years.  We will never know her full story, but the sorrow and hurt is represented well in this picture.  I am sure she was confused and grieving what she was walking away from....her friends, her nannies, her bed and her security.

But GOD IS GOOD, and she is thriving in our home.  Her paperwork said that she was non-verbal and this girl uses more words in a day than probably all three other children combined.  She is making friends at church and at preschool and loves to boss people around.  Every night before bed she asks for the schedule for the next day.  She always wants to know if we're going to the store and if we're meeting daddy for food.  (I guess we do a lot of shopping and eating!)  

We are so thankful for God's gift to our family.  We didn't realize that our family wasn't complete without her, but we now know that all along it was God's plan for her to be forever ours.

Rejoice with Those Who Rejoice

One year ago, my sweet friend Ashli went to Ethiopian court with me.  One year ago, the Ethiopian government declared that Abigail would be forever part of the Jordan family.   That decision brought joy and a little bit of fear because of the second picture below.  Ashli speaks Amharic and kids are naturally drawn to her.  We tried bubbles and stickers and funny faces, but Abigail wanted no part of it and/or us.

And then just a few weeks ago, this girl bundled up and went outside to touch the snow of Tennessee.  All I can say is that the Lord is good.  We thought we were bringing home a very sad and quiet child because she spoke so little while we visited her in the orphanage.  Oh, we were so very wrong!

Abigail is bossy and talks a lot.  She said to Derek the other night, "Nanny says that I taking too many questions."  She asks questions about everything.  She has the best laugh and is nothing but a delight to our family!

One year ago today, I met with Amen's birthmother and told her that the Ethiopian laws had changed and that we couldn't adopt Amen.  It was heartbreaking for her and for me.  My friend Ashli was there on that day too.  She translated to make sure that everyone understood the situation.  The Ethiopian attorney told us that the case was virtually impossible.  Maybe someday I'll write more about how this impacted our family.

After this meeting, we went to the Sheraton to use the internet and send our families back home updates.  Ashli was there when the tears started to flow.  I really tried to hold them back, but I was overcome with emotion that afternoon.

Ashli rejoiced with me in the good times and mourned with me in the icky times.

Today, I rejoice with her that her Ethiopian daughter is coming home....just a year later from this photo.  This photo from left to right is Ashli's daughter, Ashli and Amen.

I do not understand the ways of the Lord, but I can trust that they are perfect and that His plans for each of us are good!  I am thankful that He writes our story instead of us writing it ourselves, because I know that He sees the full story and He knows exactly what we need.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord!