Living in a Pit

I'm struggling to come up with a title for this post. If you continue to check back for more posts on Africa, I'm sorry that I haven't posted in a couple of days. Something has happened to me....I'm in a pit. Not sure if I jumped in, fell in or got pushed in, but I'm there and trying to get out. I know God doesn't want me there and He definitely doesn't want me staying there. I'm crying all the time and feeling "out of place" here in Tennessee. This is what they call "re-entry". Some spiritual depression after you've been on the mountain top is to be expected. Why I thought it wouldn't happen to me or why I thought I wouldn't fall so hard, I don't know.

Derek just continues to tell me that it's normal, but I don't feel very normal right now. I don't have any motivation to get things done and just about anything can make me cry. (which if you know me, I don't cry very easily or at least pre-Zambia I didn't)

I read a couple of verses this morning that said that the Lord is for me...and of course, those verses made me cry. I know God is not against me, but when I feel so "out of whack" for lack of a better phrase, I just don't know what to feel or think. Everything I told my girls in Zambia...that they are daughters of the King, that God has a specific plan and purpose for their life exactly where they are now, that God wants to use everything that's happened in their lives to bring Himself glory, all those things that I believe down to my core being...I came home and now those are the very questions I seem to be posing to myself. Does my simple life in middle TN really matter? Am I really accomplishing anything for Him? Am I living life to the fullest or just trying to survive? What is God's specific plan for my life? These are the questions that are rolling around in my head and heart.

I know the answers. I know that God is for me. I know that He does have a plan for my life. I know that my simple life can make a difference. I just need my emotions to catch up with that truth, because my emotions are still stuck in that pit. (I really believe it's spiritual warfare, but that's a post for another day)

Anyway, if you're reading this post, you probably got more than you care to know, but maybe somebody needs to know that we all go through ups and downs in life. I draw comfort from the fact that even Bible characters didn't always get to live on the spiritual mountaintops. The key is to not stay in the pit. So, I'm climbing out today! I'm claiming the promises of God's Word that I claimed over the lives of those 14 girls two weeks ago.

And soon very soon, I'll post again about Africa and maybe you'll just get a glimpse of why my world really has been turned upside down.

Philippians 3:12-14 I don’t mean to say that I have already achieved these things or that I have already reached perfection. But I press on to possess that perfection for which Christ Jesus first possessed me. No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us.