Happy Forever Family Day, Abigail!

One year ago today, we went to the orphanage to meet Abigail.   She wasn't so sure about us as the pictures reveal.  It was a sweet day with several aspects of an Ethiopian ceremony involved.  

Here Derek and Abigail were supposed to be cutting the cake, but she wasn't in agreement and she let us know!

Here I am trying to console her, but nothing really worked.

And I guess this would be our happy gotcha day picture!

Here they were singing a goodbye song as part of the ceremony.  

And the picture below is probably my all time favorite (thank you Erin for capturing these moments).  This picture represents the joys and sorrows of adoption.  As I rejoice today that Abigail is part of my family, it is done knowing that there is great loss involved as well.  I am thankful for those who poured into her life for the first 2 1/2 years.  We will never know her full story, but the sorrow and hurt is represented well in this picture.  I am sure she was confused and grieving what she was walking away from....her friends, her nannies, her bed and her security.

But GOD IS GOOD, and she is thriving in our home.  Her paperwork said that she was non-verbal and this girl uses more words in a day than probably all three other children combined.  She is making friends at church and at preschool and loves to boss people around.  Every night before bed she asks for the schedule for the next day.  She always wants to know if we're going to the store and if we're meeting daddy for food.  (I guess we do a lot of shopping and eating!)  

We are so thankful for God's gift to our family.  We didn't realize that our family wasn't complete without her, but we now know that all along it was God's plan for her to be forever ours.

Rejoice with Those Who Rejoice

One year ago, my sweet friend Ashli went to Ethiopian court with me.  One year ago, the Ethiopian government declared that Abigail would be forever part of the Jordan family.   That decision brought joy and a little bit of fear because of the second picture below.  Ashli speaks Amharic and kids are naturally drawn to her.  We tried bubbles and stickers and funny faces, but Abigail wanted no part of it and/or us.

And then just a few weeks ago, this girl bundled up and went outside to touch the snow of Tennessee.  All I can say is that the Lord is good.  We thought we were bringing home a very sad and quiet child because she spoke so little while we visited her in the orphanage.  Oh, we were so very wrong!

Abigail is bossy and talks a lot.  She said to Derek the other night, "Nanny says that I taking too many questions."  She asks questions about everything.  She has the best laugh and is nothing but a delight to our family!

One year ago today, I met with Amen's birthmother and told her that the Ethiopian laws had changed and that we couldn't adopt Amen.  It was heartbreaking for her and for me.  My friend Ashli was there on that day too.  She translated to make sure that everyone understood the situation.  The Ethiopian attorney told us that the case was virtually impossible.  Maybe someday I'll write more about how this impacted our family.

After this meeting, we went to the Sheraton to use the internet and send our families back home updates.  Ashli was there when the tears started to flow.  I really tried to hold them back, but I was overcome with emotion that afternoon.

Ashli rejoiced with me in the good times and mourned with me in the icky times.

Today, I rejoice with her that her Ethiopian daughter is coming home....just a year later from this photo.  This photo from left to right is Ashli's daughter, Ashli and Amen.

I do not understand the ways of the Lord, but I can trust that they are perfect and that His plans for each of us are good!  I am thankful that He writes our story instead of us writing it ourselves, because I know that He sees the full story and He knows exactly what we need.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord!

Happy 3rd Birthday Abigail!

Our sweet baby girl turns 3 today.  It feels like she's been here all along, but reality tells me she hasn't.  We are only dealing with minor issues (her dislike for fruit, vegetables and anything healthy and some stomach issues).  I know that so many adoptive families deal with so much more the first few months.  But her first few months home have been sweet and precious.  She is a gift to our family.  Words cannot even describe how she lights up a room with her bossy voice or her determined attitude to do something on her own.  She gives the very best hugs when I pick her up from her nap, from school or from church.  She loves me unconditionally even on those days when I'm grumpy, she still thinks I'm the best!!  And honestly having one teenager and two tweens in the house, I'm glad that someone thinks I'm the best.

She is soaking up English saying phrases like "What's that?", "Oh my goodness", "Look at me", "Come on", "See you later" and many more.

We are incredibly thankful that God chose to bless us with such a precious and sweet girl.

Happy Birthday Abigail!

Day 1 with Abigail

Our travel to Ethiopia began on Saturday.  We were very blessed to have our friend and P61 board member Erin traveling with us.  We overnighted in DC and then left for Ethiopia on Sunday morning.  There was actually another person sitting next to me and Erin was across the aisle.  After several short conversations between Erin and me, he realized that he wouldn't have a quiet, peaceful flight with these two chatty women, so he offered to move.  :)  It is always best to sit next to your friends or family on a 12 hour flight.

We arrived in Ethiopia on Monday morning.  We showered, had lunch and then headed to the orphanage around 3 pm.  Honestly, my expectations were pretty low.  When Derek and I visited the orphanage on two previous trips, Abigail seemed pretty timid.  She had smiled for Derek once and spoken just a few words.  When I was there, she never smiled and actually cried quite loudly one of the days I visited.  And so, I never imagined that she would come running and jump into our arms and thank us for finally coming back for her.  Instead, I think the way things went down is pretty much what I thought would happen.  I thought either she'll be scared to death and won't talk for days or she'll just scream.  She chose to scream!

I had already processed that this could potentially be a traumatic day for this 2 1/2 yr. old.  She was leaving everything she had ever known and how did she know if she could trust us?  And how could you ever explain to a 2 1/2 year old that everything was going to be okay?

They brought Abigail down from upstairs and as soon as we started talking to her, the tears started to come.  The orphanage had several ceremonies they wanted to do and she screamed through almost all of it.   This is a picture of the "cutting of the cake".  She loved this nanny a whole lot.  She held on to her for dear life when they tried to place Abigail in our arms.  It was heartbreaking, but also encouraging that our sweet daughter had such deep love for this nanny.

And then there's this picture.  I sang, I kissed her, I whispered in her ear, I just kept telling her that it was going to be okay, but she wanted nothing of it.  She cried for almost 2 hours straight that day. Poor sweet girl.

It was just a reminder to me of the complexities of adoption.  There is great joy for the one receiving the child.  There is great grief for the one placing the child or giving the child into the arms of another.  And then the grief for the precious child that is losing everything that they have ever known to gain the unknown.  God gave me a heart of compassion that Monday.  I wasn't frustrated with her, just sad for her.  Her little heart was breaking.  

But I knew that God promised that He would turn our mourning into dancing....and I knew that someday, her mourning would turn to dancing too!

Cleared

It's been awhile since I have written anything on the blog.  There just hasn't been much to write.  I feel like every week just brought more disappointment.  We didn't hear from Embassy and then when we did, it wasn't encouraging news.  The details don't matter at this point, but once again I will tell you that if you found my journal, you might think my letters to God are inappropriate.  I decided awhile ago though that He already knows what I'm thinking, so I might as well just write it out.  There is some healing for me when I put it on paper.

Derek and I both thought Abigail would be home in May.  When April came to an end, we started to think that it wasn't happening in May.  We had hope....she's coming home in June.  But as May was quickly coming to an end, June seemed to be out of the picture as well.  I started to doubt whether all the summer clothes and bathing suits in her closet would even be worn this summer.  It seemed that the Embassy was requesting things that might be quite impossible to provide.  We thought "this case could be delayed for months".  Someone reminded me to fight for her.  How true....because no one is really fighting for her right now.  But we want her and we are willing to fight for her.

I wanted to call some government officials asap and ask for help. I was ready to put my fighting gear on.  I was willing to fly to Ethiopia and be like the persistent widow and knock on Embassy's door every day.   Derek said wait.  The next day, I wanted to call again.  I wanted to send an email or beg some people for help or something.  Derek said wait.  Last night I said, "when are we going to call?"  He said, give it this week and I'll call on Monday.  (Just a side note that I would've called him at 8:05am Monday morning to make sure that he had made the call....because I am persistent like that.)

I put something on facebook last night asking everyone to pray.  I woke up this morning at 1am and there wasn't an email from Embassy.  Disappointed.  I woke up at 6 am to no email.  Disappointed again.  I wanted to call Derek and tell him that we needed to call our senators tomorrow.  Enough is enough!  I knew what his answer would be....wait.  Because that's how we roll....I am always ready to do something about it and take charge and he knows when it's just best to wait.

Well, he was right.  At 8:50 this morning (4:50pm Ethiopia time), we got an email saying that the embassy had cleared our case.  I read the email about five times because I kept thinking that I must be reading it wrong.  What they asked my agency and us to provide, we couldn't provide.  But God moved some mountains and performed a miracle.  Somehow there was favor with our paperwork and our case is cleared.

We will be traveling sometime in June to bring sweet Abigail home.  And while there has been much disappointment over the last few years and months, so much of that seems to just be washed away as we rejoice that this one IS coming home SOON!

Introducing....

In September 2010, I attended a conference.  During that conference I felt that God impressed two things on my heart.

1. Our family was supposed to adopt again.
2. Our church needed to have an adoption support group and/or an orphan awareness group.

Neither of these things come without cost -- both financial and emotional.  It's hard to adopt.  It's a beautiful thing, but adoption comes with heartache and grief and loss.

It's hard to be involved in orphan care.  Every time I walk into an orphanage I am reminded that institutionalized living is not God's best.  God intends for us to be in families.  Hard stuff, because there are no easy solutions.

Little did I know in September 2010 as I stood there and listened to the heart of God, that a little girl had been born in Ethiopia.  And soon that little girl would be our daughter.

This is what happens when you put your yes on the table and you surrender.  His ways are not our ways, but His plan is perfect.

Introducing Abigail Carey -- born September 9, 2010.  Coming to her forever home in summer 2013.

Beauty in the Broken

Well, it's been awhile since I posted anything and a lot has happened in those two months.  This will probably be one of several posts because I have a lot to say.

First I want to say, that I'd prefer to be at Disney World right now pretending as if life is perfect and magical and free from hurt.  I wish I could sprinkle some pixie dust on my family's life and my friend's lives so that everything would just be better.  But that is not God's way.  God brings hurt and pain into our lives to mold us into His image.  I believe down to the deepest part of my being that God never wastes a hurt and that pain always has a purpose.

But that doesn't mean that it feels good.  It honestly sucks (forgive my choice of that word, but there just seems to be no other word that describes how it feels).

I don't want to write this post.  I don't want to be walking the road that we're walking right now.  I hate seeing my husband hurt and my kids hurt.  I hate that my heart is broken and it just feels like I will never feel normal again.

But God speaks to me through music and there is a song called "Beauty in the Broken" by Hyland.  I am clinging to this, that there will be beauty that will come from this brokenness.

"But let Me hold you through it, let Me carry you, I know it feels you're at the end, but here your story's just beginning.  I know your tomorrow, I know where you are.  Though you can't see past the moment, I see beauty in the broken."

Two years ago, we decided to try to adopt a little boy named Amen.  Throughout the course of these two years, we have had several people tell us that this was a simple case because of all the details of our case.  I made a trip to Ethiopia recently where we were finally told that our case is "likely impossible".  I could tell you all about how laws have changed and how things have happened that have hindered this process, but none of that really matters.  Ultimately, God is sovereign and He has closed the door.

Our hopes and dreams are shattered.  We have prayed for this little boy every night for over two years (let me just say that prayer unites hearts in a way that nothing else can).  The Lord has given us a deep love for this little boy.  His face and his laugh and his precious personality will forever be a memory in my mind and heart.  We are broken hearted.  There is no other word to describe what we feel.  We are sad.  We are disappointed.  Some days I feel like God hurt my feelings because He didn't answer our prayers the way we wanted and He didn't give us our miracle.

I know the Biblical truths.  I know that the Lord gives and takes away.  I know that He is good and kind and loving.  I know that I wasn't there when He formed the foundations of the world.  I know that He sees with kingdom eyes and I see only dimly.  I know that He will work all of this together for good.  But that doesn't change how I feel.  I hurt deeply.

But I also know that the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and He has been near to Me even when I just want to run away to Disney World.

And so I am choosing to let the pieces of my broken heart fall into His arms.  I am trusting that He will somehow put them all back together again in a way that honors Him and gives Him glory.

And I am choosing to "be strong and courageous because I know that He is with me wherever I go."  And we are going to the depths of pain together.

And I am believing that there is beauty on the other side of this brokenness!