Precious in the Sight of the Lord

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints. Psalm 116:15

 Because death comes whether we want it to or not. Last January I was grieving with one of my best friends over the loss of her precious mother. This January we grieve for the loss of a very kind and good man. My parents gained awesome neighbors a few years ago that turned into family friends (you just never know if you're going to get good neighbors or not). Kurt and Brenda have always been so kind to my parents and to my children. Stephen loves Mr. Kurt and has been so concerned for him the last few weeks. If Stephen gets a soft spot for you in his heart, then he'll do anything for you. Stephen loves his Papa and Mr. Kurt has always been good to Papa, so Stephen loved Mr. Kurt right from the beginning.

 We have prayed for months for God to heal this godly man, but God had a different plan. Stephen took the news the hardest because he has prayed with great faith for healing for Mr. Kurt. Just last night he prayed that God would heal him just like he healed Lazarus. Stephen has a faith to believe that even though Mr. Kurt is in heaven that God could bring him back if He wanted to. And yes, of course, God could, but my mind doesn't even think to pray for that.

 Life is hard and so many times I bring my cynical self before the Lord's throne with my prayer requests. My theology tells me that there's nothing that God can't do. My mind and heart have known grief and sadness and the cruelty of a sin filled world. My heart knows that God doesn't always answer our prayers the way we want. I don't understand in the least bit why the Lord would take good people...people that are making a difference in this world for Him to heaven at such a young age.

 But then the Lord reminds me of Isaiah 55:8-9 that say
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts."

If you've lived long enough, you know that we can't always figure out why God does what He does. I don't know why the healing doesn't come sometimes or why He doesn't answer prayers that are offered in great faith...prayers that it seems the Lord would be glad to answer. But the Lord has a better plan, a plan that our finite minds cannot understand.

I love the rest of Isaiah 55.
“For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven,
And do not return there without watering the earth
And making it bear and sprout,
And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater;
So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth;
It will not return to Me empty,
Without accomplishing what I desire,
And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it.
 “For you will go out with joy
And be led forth with peace;
The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you,
And all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
“Instead of the thorn bush the cypress will come up,
And instead of the nettle the myrtle will come up,
And it will be a memorial to the Lord,
For an everlasting sign which will not be cut off.”

I love that even in the midst of heartache, this family is continuing to pour out Christ's love. Mr. Kurt's precious wife, Brenda, put this on facebook tonight.

In lieu of flowers, the Conner family requests donations be made to "The Raining Season" and add "Sarah's Care Project" in the Memo line. Mail the check to 4047 Williford Way, Spring Hill, TN 37174. Sarah is a child from Sierra Leone, Africa. She is coming to Nashville to receive vital medical treatment, and she will be placed in the care of Brad and Lindsey Conner For more information on her and The Raining Season, please visit http://savetheorphan.blogspot.com/ and especially refer to the October 25th post titled "Saving Sarah".

Kurt and Brenda's son and daughter-in-law are taking in a precious child from Africa. And so Kurt's legacy of faith continues....and just as Isaiah 55 says "this will be a memorial to the Lord, for an everlasting sign which will not be cut off. God's Word will not return to Him empty...it will accomplish what He desires." And God desires amazing things for this precious family.

Thank you Mr. Kurt for the life you lived so well and the legacy you left here on this earth.

Christmas 2012

We had a quiet Christmas in Tennessee this year.  We were going to travel to Florida after Christmas, but illness hit and so we stayed home...some of us in the bed.

Here are a few family photos from this year.  It was extra fun this year because we had my grandpa in town as well as our newest addition (our niece) here for Christmas.  Little girls always make everything sweeter!

Matthew loves big boxes and wasn't even disappointed that there was a very small gift at the bottom of the box.  This box became his fort Christmas Day!

This guitar brought tears.  I didn't know that she so desperately wanted a guitar, but it made her very happy!

Four generations.  My grandpa (mom's dad), my mom, my brother and me and four great grandchildren.  

Nanny and her two granddaughters -- Elizabeth and Kristen.

Our Christmas pic for 2012.

And sweet baby Kristen.  She is beautiful!

And here's the whole family Christmas Day.

Happy 13th Stephen

I am the mom of a teenager.  40 doesn't seem that old to me until I realize that I have a teenager in the house.  In just a few years, he'll be asking to borrow my car.  Okay, realistically, he'll be asking to borrow Derek's car because I drive a minivan.

Stephen and I are opposites.  We are like two pieces of sandpaper being rubbed together sometimes.  I believe this was the Lord's plan all along because in the process, Stephen and I are both getting our rough edges refined by each other.  God is smoothing out the grit in our lives!

He is talented musically.  He is creative and can draw things very well.  His memory is excellent and he gets good grades in school without even trying very hard.  I do believe that he really can do anything that he wants with his life because he has the academic ability.  He loves serving in the preschool department at church and he's social like his Tennessee Papa.  He loves to point out everyone that we know in every store and/or restaurant that we enter.  Sometimes I think he's just looking for someone that we know....maybe that's the southern way?

Anyway, he truly is a blessing to our family.  He was born just a week before Christmas and there isn't anything better than a sweet little baby at Christmas.

I'm proud of the young man that he's becoming!  

Delayed Answers

There isn't any major news in our adoption at this point.  We are praying for news very soon, but nothing has really changed.  Well, there is something that changed.  God changed me.  I prayed and fasted for the 30 days leading up to my birthday.  And while I secretly hoped (maybe it wasn't so secretly) that there would be a miraculous breakthrough during that time period, the Lord chose to keep us in the refiner's fire just a little bit longer.  I am reading a fabulous book by Bob Sorge about this very thing and it's made the trial and the delayed answer almost taste sweet.

This book is a great reminder that God is sovereign and that He has a purpose in the pain. Here are a few quotes to ponder.

"When God does something to you, all you can do is submit and pray and wait for God to fulfill His purposes." Bob Sorge p. 51

"When God brings distress, pain, affliction, and suffering into our lives, He does so for a purpose.  He wants to enlarge our hearts.  But our hearts are resistant to change.  In order for the enlargement to be complete, the period of pain must be long enough in duration to complete the work.  We don't know how long that is, only God does.And that's why God often responds to our cries for deliverance with the words, "Not yet."  All we want is for the pain to stop; but He wants something far more valuable.  God's going for the gold.  He wants the gold of a refined character, of an enlarged heart.  He wants the crucible to make us more like Christ.  And He's committed to sustaining the heat until the work is complete."  Sorge p. 144

"God can out-wait anybody.  He just waits and waits, while the crisis looms larger and larger, and He waits some more.  He waits until the crisis becomes an impossible predicament.  And then He waits some more!  Finally, when the remotest chance of escape is completely gone, God intervenes suddenly and miraculously."  Sorge p. 156

Abraham and Sarah were given a promise and waited 25 years for that promise to be fulfilled.  Jesus waited 30 years to begin his public ministry.  Both of those examples make our 20 month wait seem very, very short.

All I can say is that God is good and God is faithful.  I don't know the outcome of this trial, but I know that this trial has brought intimacy with the Lord and for that I am extremely thankful.  The Psalms and the book of Isaiah have brought me much comfort and hope as we wait on the Lord.  We know that our great God is in the details.  He is writing this story and ultimately all we can do is "submit and pray and wait for God."  We know that He will not disappoint!

Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.  For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him.  Isaiah 30:18

Support our Adoption

If you want to contribute towards our adoption as well as get some cool product, consider making a purchase from the 147 Million Orphan website.  You have to use this link in order for us to get credit.

Jordan Adoption

We only get credit if you use this link or if you order directly from me.  If you live in my area, I will be placing an order on Monday morning, November 12th.  You can email me directly and tell me what you'd like to order and it'll save you some money on shipping.

Thanks for supporting us as we pray a sweet little one home!

30 to 40

In 30 days, I'll be turning 40.  I'm not really the sentimental type, but I have been thinking the last few days if my life looks like what I thought it'd look like at 40.  No way.  Not sure what I thought it'd look like, but there are many things that have been "unexpected" on this path.  The Lord has been very good to me, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that there was some heartbreak and disappointment along the way.  But I can say that God has used that heartbreak and disappointment to refine me.  (And I'll admit that there's still a lot of refinement that needs to be done!)

Derek asked about a month ago if I wanted a party for my birthday or did I just want to get some friends together and go to dinner, etc.?  That's how Derek rolls....he's already thinking in September about what needs to happen in November.  I'm thinking, I just have to get through today and then tonight I'll look at my calendar for tomorrow.  :)

But since Derek asked several times, I knew that I couldn't keep procrastinating and that I'd need to give him an answer.  I want 2 things for my 40th birthday.

1. To go skydiving.  Our groupon is purchased and as long as the weather stays good, Derek and I will be doing this sometime in November.  If not, it'll have to wait until next spring, because the thought of jumping out of a plane into freezing cold air in the middle of winter....well there's nothing exciting about that to me!

2. The second thing I want is an answer regarding our adoption.  We have been praying for 19+ months for the Lord to open doors.  The doors never seem to swing wide open, but they never seem to close completely either.  Each time we think the door has closed, something happens that encourages us to press on and fight for a particular little boy.  And so for the next 30 days, I am going to pray like I never have before.  I am going to beg the Lord to intervene on our behalf (just like the widow who was persistent with the judge in Luke 18).

How can you help?

I don't want a party for my birthday.  I don't want any gifts.  I just want the Lord to answer the cry of our hearts and move the mountains that need to be moved or I want the Lord to give us release from this journey.  In some ways, I feel like the Lord has been silent the last few months and so we just stay on the path that we're on trusting that He's working behind the scenes.

And so, friends, you can pray for us.  Some of my sweetest friends have been praying right along with us for 19+ months, but I'm asking for some additional friends that will pray intentionally for the next 30 days.  I am asking the Lord to give us clear direction and clear answers by the time I'm 40 on November 25th.  We are surrendered to His plan.

Great are the works of the LORD; they are pondered by all who delight in them. Psalm 111:2

Still Wrestling

The last few days, I feel like I've been wrestling with God again or maybe I should say that I'm still wrestling with Him.  I remembered writing a post about this and so I went looking for it today.  Interestingly enough, I wrote that post on 10/11/11.  It's very interesting to me that one year later on 10/12/12, I'm writing basically the same post.  I'm still wrestling with God.

If you're not familiar with the story, it's found in Genesis 32.  A man (God) wrestled with Jacob.  Jacob said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."  The Lord blessed Jacob.  And Jacob called the place Peniel,  saying "It is because I saw God face to face".  From that day forward, Jacob walked with a limp because God had "touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched".

There's not much of an update on the adoption of our little guy.  I continue to beg the Lord to bless us and to open wide the doors and to allow favor to fall on our paperwork.  But we just continue to wrestle through prayer, because every time we take a step forward, we also take a step backward in our paperwork.  We don't want to give up until the Lord closes the door.  But it's been almost 20 months since we started this process.  Some days I'm just tired of the wrestling and I want to quit.  But there is something in me that just won't let the Lord go.  Not until He blesses us.

This is what I wrote one year ago and it sums up how I feel today.
I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that there's a part of me that fears or wonders if we'll walk with a limp the rest of our lives. If at some point in this journey, we will have a broken heart. It's possible. But it's also possible, that God will move the mountains that need to be moved and we'll have an incredible testimony of God's goodness in the story of our son. And whichever way God chooses, I know that His ways are higher than my ways. And if it doesn't go the way I am praying and believing with great faith, He is still good. I don't think we got on the wrong path...I think God just has us in a place where we'll wrestle with Him and through the wrestling, we are truly encountering God.

I have cried more tears in the last 20 months then I think I have in the other 38 years of my life combined.  But there is a sweetness that comes when you know God sees you (Genesis 16:13) and He catches your tears in His bottle (Psalm 56:8).  This faith journey has been hard and it's not over yet.  I am trusting that the Lord's blessing is coming.  And I won't let go of Him until it comes!