Why HIV?

I haven't blogged a lot about Ethiopia. I had every intention to do so last week, but I was fasting and praying and studying God's Word a lot last week. I was asking Him to give me confirmation about a decision and I felt like I was getting nothing...or actually, I got something but I got conflicting somethings. I prayed one thing and it happened and then I prayed the second thing and it happened and that left me with conflicting answers. And from that point on, I got nothing. What does nothing mean? Do you step out in faith or do you wait? I think I could prove biblically that both can be right. I feel like I've been wrestling with the Lord over this and honestly, I'm weary. I just wanted an answer.

I was frustrated. On top of that, I haven't felt well. Not sure what's going on, but I've had a fever on and off for a week, some shortness of breath (maybe a need for a visit to the treadmill) and some aches and pains. (I'm heading to the doctor tomorrow if I'm not 100 percent tomorrow morning).

So last night while I'm in the bed with 102 fever...Derek and I are faced with a decision. It had to be made by this afternoon. We made our decision and Derek fell asleep. I couldn't sleep. I was still wrestling over the decision because I wanted something, some kind of confirmation from the Lord. I'm fine stepping out on faith, but I didn't want to run ahead of God.

I prayed and tossed and turned and my fever finally broke...I hope for the last time. This morning I still didn't have peace and that continued to be a source of frustration for me. I didn't know if that meant we had made the wrong decision or if there was some spiritual warfare involved.

I am leading a Bible study on Monday evenings on the Israelites journey through the wilderness and to the Promised Land. Right now, they're still in the wilderness. I decided to work on today's study. It talked about how Israel obediently waited and rested before the mountain of God (Mt. Sinai). The Promised Land was coming but they camped out at Mt. Sinai because here God developed some intimacy and fellowship with them.

Here's where I finally got my answer...we're on page 88 and it says, look back at page 38. What are your why questions about difficult circumstances? I hadn't written anything personal...two things, Why HIV and Why Haiti? When the earthquake happened in Haiti, I wanted to get on a plane and go down there and love on some orphans. Of all places to be devastated by a catastrophic earthquake, why Haiti? God took the desire away for me to go to Haiti.

He answered that prayer already. God and I have already had some heart to hearts about Haiti and honestly I know that God always knows what's best and that He work anything out for His good and to bring Him glory.

Why HIV? This gnaws at me especially in the lives of children and most specifically in the lives of orphans. I told Derek awhile ago that I felt my missions call was to orphans and possibly HIV care/awareness or something along those lines. Why...I don't know. It's a tug on my heart that won't go away. I don't know what this looks like in my life or for my family. Derek may not have that same tug, but I can't ignore it for this season of my life.

In the beginning of March, I'm going to Costa Rica for a week to an orphanage where they rarely receive visitors and at the end of March I'm going to Africa for a week. I'm going back to the HIV orphanage and I'm going to Korah...to a people that Ethiopia has labeled outcasts and cursed people, but to a people that I claim Redemption and Hope in the name of Jesus. It was started as a leper colony and now has many problems including many cases of HIV. Many of the children of Korah live and get their food from a landfill (I'll write more about this later).



When I read those two questions (why hiv and why haiti), God impressed on me my answer. Go sweet child...it's the desire of your heart and I haven't removed it, so you have my blessing. Don't go to Haiti because I removed that desire.

I'm excited and I'm at peace. Sometimes I think I'm crazy for taking such radical steps all in a month, but Christ called His followers to do some radical things. I do believe that one life can make a difference otherwise I wouldn't be willing to leave my precious children and husband for two weeks in one month. (Just a side note, the decision last night was yes as well, but I just needed some final confirmation).

I'm thankful for my wrestling time with the Lord. I've prayed more during the last two weeks and I just wouldn't give up until I had confirmation one way or the other. And God, well He's just sweet and precious and He held out until the last minute. May He be glorified and may the people of Costa Rica and Korah call out for salvation to the one and only true God, Jesus Christ!