For such a time as this...

After 8 years, we decided that it was time for Stephen to see his birthmom again. He hasn't seen her since he was less than a month old and of course he has no memories of that meeting. He has been asking a lot of questions over the last year and has expressed quite an interest in her family. She married soon after Stephen was born and has 5 children with her husband. (not Stephen's birthfather)

Over the last year, Stephen has said and done many things that have "stung" as an adoptive parent. Even though I'm supposed to be a mature adult, it does hurt a little when Stephen has "family picture day" at school and decides to take in pictures of his birthmom and his half siblings, rather than our family. I have no other words to describe the feelings I've had over the last year, except that it just "stings a bit". I guess it's like putting a little salt on some infertile wounds. We've tried to explain to our children over and over again that God creates families in many different ways, and for our family adoption was His plan. We are so very thankful to the birthparents who chose us to parent their children. We can only imagine how difficult this decision was for them and in no way do we want to minimize their pain or the anguish they felt and may still feel as they made this decision.

Just on the other side of adoption, nothing could have prepared me for the things that my child would say to me. There were times when I wanted to say back, "Do you realize how much we paid to have you as part of our family?" or "Do you know the tears we shed and how we pleaded with God to give us a child?" and so on. But I don't, instead I've learned that it's best not to have a reaction as he goes on and on about his birthfamily. Aren't most 8 yr. olds ungrateful for how their family provides for them and sacrifices personal indulgences (like a cruise with hubby), so that we can go to Disney 3 yrs. in a row?

Well, we went this past weekend to Lynchburg, Virginia so that Stephen could meet with his birthmom and her family. My parents went with us because we added a vacation to Williamsburg, Virginia on to the trip. I was nervous, anxious, apprehensive, not exactly knowing what to expect. I love Stephen's birthmom and talk to her 4-5 times a year and we can relate on so many levels. We're "doing life together" as they say, because our kids are similar ages. To be perfectly honest though, I just didn't know what to expect when we met. Would Stephen fall into her arms and start sobbing that he wanted to "return to his real home"? Would this just add fuel to the fire and he would begin to think that he does belong in this home rather than in ours? Seriously, these were some of the thoughts in my head. But I decided that we were doing the right thing for Stephen and we would press forward regardless of how awkward or uncomfortable this meeting might make us.

Well, if you've continued to read this lengthy blog entry, let me give God the glory. Yeah God! (as a friend of mine would say) God did "exceeding abundantly" in our lives. We met them at their house on Saturday night and the kids hit it off very well. We had dinner together and it was just like getting together with a group of friends. I was so relieved and so thankful that there wasn't tension in the air. We left and returned to our hotel after hours of play. We went to Thomas Road Baptist Church on Sunday and Stephen was able to meet Jonathan Falwell (Jerry Falwell's son) and was able to shake his hand. We then met Courtney and her gang for lunch on Sunday (6 adults and 8 children 8 yrs. old and under....a blog entry for another day). We then went to a park and the kids had a fabulous time again. Once we were all exhausted and sweaty, we said our goodbyes, not knowing when we would see each other again. (On a side note, they will be moving to Jackson, Miss. in about a year because her husband Matt will be attending seminary there.)

I was again incredibly grateful for this sweet woman who gave Stephen life and gave us the opportunity to be parents. Stephen has an incredible story and I just might have to share it on this blog sometime this week. In 1999 our journey began of God doing "exceeding abundantly beyond all that we ask or think". God is faithful and He continues to amaze us with His goodness and faithfulness.

Here's a picture of Stephen and his birthmom, Courtney.


Here's a picture of Stephen with 3 of his half-siblings. We think he looks most like Mary (the oldest), but Lydia (the younger in the picture) has a face just like Stephen's when he was a toddler.


And then here is Elizabeth and Lizzie having a grand time. A tea party under the deck.


And so, God prepared everyone's hearts "for such a time as this". Sometimes He calls us to things that might be uncomfortable, but He never fails us. He's walking right there with us every step of the way!