Wrestling with God

Genesis 32:24-32...are you familiar with the story? Jacob is wrestling with God and he says, "I will not let you go unless you bless me". Jacob, now Israel, walked with a limp because the Lord had touched him on his thigh as they wrestled. Maybe Israel always walked with a limp and that was just a reminder of his encounter with the Lord.

This is where I feel like I am personally right now. Wrestling with God and hanging on for dear life. I'm begging and pleading and asking him to answer our prayers regarding our adoption and some days I feel like it's going to happen and other days, it just seems impossible. You don't need all the details, but the adoptions in this particular country are becoming more and more complicated and difficult. I am begging the Lord to bless me and to give me the desire of my heart. And I'm hanging on until He does. But really, it's not about the blessing. It's about the encounter with the Lord. I know His blessing will come, but what that will look like in my life, I don't know.

I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say that there's a part of me that fears or wonders if we'll walk with a limp the rest of our lives. If at some point in this journey, we will have a broken heart. It's possible. But it's also possible, that God will move the mountains that need to be moved and we'll have an incredible testimony of God's goodness in the story of our son. And whichever way God chooses, I know that His ways are higher than my ways. And if it doesn't go the way I am praying and believing with great faith, He is still good. I don't think we got on the wrong path...I think God just has us in a place where we'll wrestle with Him and through the wrestling, we are truly encountering God.

My Bible has a note that says "strong character develops as you struggle through tough conditions". That's where we are....we are struggling through some tough conditions.