Manna...Stone Number 3

This is our third "rock of remembrance"...we are tracing the hand of God's faithfulness through the years.

April 2001--Stephen was 16 months old and we were deciding which adoption path to pursue next. We had talked about the Ukraine and China, but decided to try domestic adoption again. We put in our paperwork with the same agency in VA, but had to have a home study done from an agency in our state. We decided to put our paperwork in with both agencies (one in VA and one in Michigan). We were living with my parents at the time and were building a house two doors down from my parents.

Oh the joys of adoption paperwork. Since we were living with my parents and my brother at the time, we all had to submit paperwork. We all had to get physicals, TB tests, fingerprints for background checks, interviews for the home study, etc.

Our home study was approved in July of 2001 and we decided to pull our file from the agency in Michigan sometime in late July. We were receiving bills for thousands of dollars from both agencies to keep our file "active" and we decided that we would just keep our file active with one agency. I called the office in Michigan and talked to the director and she said she understood and that they would pull our file.

Sometime in September we got a call from the agency in Michigan saying that a birthmom wanted to "interview" us. I told Rachel (our social worker) that we had pulled our file a couple of months ago. God in His providence allowed our file "not to be pulled". Birthmoms were still viewing our file. Rachel asked if we were willing to meet, she didn't care if we had pulled our file or not. Of course, we said absolutely. We drove 3 hours to Grand Rapids and met the birthmom and her mother. Matthew had already been born (August 1, 2001) and it hadn't worked out with a previous family that she had chosen. Matthew was in foster care and Laurie (birthmom) was struggling with this decision.(I'm really not sure of all the details, but they really don't matter). They were interviewing another family after us that didn't have any children. The social worker in Grand Rapids told us that Laurie preferred a family without any children. We walked away and just decided to trust that God would work out His plan. If Matthew was to be ours, He could move their hearts.

We were on pins and needles just wondering what the outcome would be. We did completely trust God, but your mind just races with dreams and plans, etc. We received a call that they wanted to talk to us again and to meet Stephen. For the record, it is nerve wracking to take a 21 month old boy to this kind of a meeting. But we did. We drove 3 hours to see Laurie again and I think Stephen was pretty well behaved...can't really remember all the details.

There isn't enough room for all the details, but on October 9, 2001 we welcomed Matthew Joseph into our family. Laurie had interviewed several families, worked with two different agencies, but she chose us. We were humbled and honored.

Matthew was a happy and sweet baby. He was so good-natured right from the beginning. He smiled and laughed at an early age and still has us smiling and laughing today. Stephen couldn't say Matthew I guess, so he called him "Manna". God caused manna to appear in the Old Testament at the right time and used manna to meet His people's needs. God sent Matthew to our family at just the right time and fulfilled the desire of our hearts for more children. Matthew means "gift of God" and that's exactly what he was then and still is today.

Meet Matthew Joseph Jordan
Born August 1, 2001 at 12:52 p.m. weighing 7 lbs. 11 oz.







I hope you can see God's faithfulness in your life as well. He has abundantly blessed us and we are so thankful.

Two Fifths of a Second

God used a trip to Zambia to change my life. As I saw a country in bondage to witch doctors and the affect it had on these precious children's lives, my heart was overwhelmed. What things did I have in my life that were holding me back and holding back the plans that God has for me? How was that affecting my children? Was I truly living the abundant life that Jesus called us to in John 10:10? My heart is full even as I think about it because God did a big work in my life that summer and in the months to follow. He showed me things that I guess I needed to go to Africa to see.


God has softened my heart to the poor and needy. He put a special place in my heart for orphans. What is our responsibility in all of this? These are things that we're still trying to figure out. You have to do something...so we give when we see a need, we sponsor a child in Nicaragua, but it just never seems to be enough.

I read this book and it pushed me to ask myself some tough questions.
Crazy Love by Francis Chan...an incredible read.

He talks about how life is a movie and our part is only two fifths of a second. I want my two fifths of a second to count, how about you? He also asks the questions, "If you stopped believing in God today, how would your life change tomorrow?" His point, if your life wouldn't change dramatically, then are you really living a life completely surrendered to God. So, I started talking to Derek about what we should do. Should we downsize and move into a smaller house and give more to missions? Should we adopt an orphan? Should we just sell it all and move to Africa? I tend to jump into things quickly...Derek tends to think things through and pray and wait. If it were up to me and my emotional side, we would have a for sale sign in our yard, an application with the IMB, and an application to an adoption agency for a family of five that I found online who desperately need a home. But God brings logical and emotional minds together (men and women :-), so that there's balance. God wants hearts completely surrendered to Him. Sometimes He uses us in a secular workplace or in a ministry in the US or on the mission field in Africa or central America. The point is not where, the point is that your heart is completely surrendered to Him. Is your yes on the table for God to use to bring Himself glory?

Angela told me that she was probably going to go on a trip to Africa, what did I think? Of course, I thought that was great. "Sumer's going with me, do you want to go?" Big Nanny needs to stop asking me things. She asked me in December of last year if I had thought about joining the preschool staff, I didn't have an answer for her...just that I needed to pray. I had plenty of reasons to run for my life...talk about a tough job, but God pricked my heart to say yes. She then asked me about Africa and God once again pricked my heart to say yes to Ethiopia and Uganda even though that means I might have to say no to Zambia in 2010.

God ordained for "such a time as this" for three hearts that are crazy for Jesus to join Him in changing the world not just here in Tenn., but in Uganda and Ethiopia as well.

From Crazy Love, p. 44 "We have only our two-fifths-of-a-second-long scene to live. I don't know about you, but I want my two-fifths of a second to be about my making much of God. 1 Cor. 10:31 says, 'So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.' That is what each of our two-fifths of a second is about."

Make your two fifths of a second count! Give God the glory!

God's Faithfulness, Stone Number 2

As I thought of God's faithfulness today, I remembered that in Old Testament times they would build an altar to the Lord out of stones. This altar would be a reminder of what God had done for them. So, I'm labeling my "rocks of remembrance". Todays is stone number 2.

I do not know the pain of childbirth, I do not know the pain of losing a school age or teenage child, but I do know the pain of being a barren woman. I know the pain of an empty womb that will never be full. As I've aged, I've realized that pain cannot be compared. I cannot compare my pain to yours. I cannot describe the pain of baby showers or labor stories or nursing stories or the longing deep within for a biological child. Yet, God has been faithful. Over time, the longing has been soothed but not erased. This is the plan for our lives and it's God's perfect plan.


God choose to bring life into our family through adoption. Here's Stephen's unique story:

We knew that adoption was our next step. Months before our fertility treatments, I had seen a Dr. Falwell Old Time Gospel Hour where he talked about the Liberty Godparent Home. Sometime in September, I called the adoption agency in Virginia and asked if they had a long waiting list. I had heard that domestic adoption waits were 2 years or more. The lady told me that they actually didn't have a very long waiting list right now. We started on the paperwork immediately. Budgets, references, bios, fire escape plans, background checks, physicals, question after question about our marriage, our personal life and our faith. It was probably 50 pages of documents. We filled them out quickly and mailed them the beginning of October. It would be 30 days for us to hear if we had been approved by the board.


Derek was scheduled to go on a mission trip to Kenya with PT (our pastor). Derek debated canceling because of the recent events. I encouraged him to go. I would be fine. They went and their team lead thousands to Christ. The stories of Kenya are a post all in itself.


While Derek was gone (this is mid to late October) we received two phone calls about birthmoms that wanted to view our files. We didn't even know that we had been accepted by the board. One mom was interested and we needed to do a video as soon as Derek got home. We shot the video in our family room and we'd pause the video and Derek would lie on the floor in between segments. Partly because of exhaustion from the trip and partly because of some mysterious illness he picked up in Africa or had prior to the trip.


We mailed in our video the beginning of November and the weekend before Thanksgiving, we met Stephen's birthmom. She told us she was having a boy, "Did we have a name picked out?" We had been discussing names for months, possibly years. Stephen had never come up, but I had just studied Stephen in a Bible study and fell in love with the story of Stephen. As the heavens opened, Stephen could see Christ standing at the right hand of God. Christ stood for Stephen as he was stoned. It's the only time in Scripture that we see Christ standing for someone. (see Acts 7:54-60)


Anyway, I said, "What do you think about the name Stephen?"

She loved the name. It is her father's name. So Stephen not only has a biblical name. He has his biological grandfather's name. Isn't God good?


Stephen was born December 18, 1999. We had to wait 25 days for all the paperwork to clear. We didn't see any pictures of him. They asked us if we'd be willing to come share a testimony Sunday morning at Thomas Road Baptist about the Liberty Godparent Home and what adoption meant to us. They told us that they would give us Stephen later that day in the evening service. They thought the church would love to be part of his "Gotcha Day". Was that okay? Sure, why not?


We shared our testimony for the church that morning and this is what happened next....
(Note: Our last name and place of residence was kept quiet because of adoption policies)



Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!!!

God's Faithfulness Part 1

Sunday afternoon I brought a challenge to the preschool teachers. Don't doubt, have faith. That's it in a nutshell. Why should we ever doubt when Scripture is full of promises? God doesn't lie. God is who He says He is and God's going to do what He says He's going to do. He is faithful, even when we aren't. The Israelites wandered in the wilderness forgetting what all God had done for them. They wouldn't go in and conquer the land that God had promised because they doubted. I look at it and think, how could they doubt? He freed them from slavery in Egypt, He parted the Red Sea, He provided manna for them and yet they had doubt and were afraid. They actually thought it'd be better to go back to slavery in Egypt. Seriously, how crazy is that? Don't we react that way sometimes in our lives. Don't doubt in the darkness what God has shown you in the light.

So, I've decided to go back and mark some of those miracles in our family's life. I may have already posted about Stephen's adoption story, but I'm doing it again, just because it really is a miracle. It's a reminder to me of God's goodness and faithfulness.

January or so of 1999: The infertility doctor told us there was pretty much no chance we'd ever have children without the help of fertility treatments. So we tried some minor stuff first and then decided to try in-vitro. We did get pregnant, but I realized about week 14 that I felt different. I didn't feel pregnant anymore. I had been starving every morning and that feeling was all of a sudden gone. So I called the nurse several times over a two day period and they allowed us to come in for an ultrasound. Derek and I will never forget being in that room and seeing a very still baby on the screen. The tech left and said she'd go get the doctor. I'll never forget lying on the table, Derek's head falling into my lap and us crying. We quickly composed ourselves as they told us to go the doctor's office. (Side note: We had been released from the fertility doctor and hadn't actual been to this ob/gyn for an appointment yet. Great way to make a first impression!) Anyway, Dr. Bressman was incredibly compassionate. God sent us a kind, compassionate doctor who shared comforting words. That was simply step one of God's faithfulness.

One of the hardest things we ever had to do was to call my parents and Derek's parents and tell them the news. I remember that my dad was working in his garage and I told my mom to go out there and put it on speakerphone. It was so hard to tell them our devastating news, but there was no need to delay the news. Things wouldn't change. It was what it was.

I had been on major progesterone pills and shots to keep us from miscarrying, so Dr. B recommended that we schedule a hospital visit. (Another side note: isn't there a way to put in the hospital notes the right questions to ask?) The nurses were asking why I was there, what had happened, etc.? Like I wanted to be there or that this was optional. I didn't want to be there. The week before, life was good. God had answered our heart cry for a child and we were pregnant and all was going well! Now I felt like my world was crashing in on me. Why had we spent all this money only to end up in a hospital 14 weeks later? Once I started explaining things to the nurse and started to tear up, she was then very compassionate. As another testimony of God's faithfulness this happened just prior to Labor Day. My parents and Derek's parents were both scheduled to come down Labor Day Weekend. Derek's parents came a little earlier than planned so that they could be at the hospital with Derek. I'm so thankful for incredible parents on both sides of the family!

So as devastated as I was I knew that even when life is hard, God is good. I am a fighter and I decided that Satan would not have any victory in this. I remember specifically stomping my foot one morning in the shower and deciding, "No more. God handed this to us and we'll just move forward". I put Scripture index cards all over our house...by the sink, on the fridge, on the mirror. I was determined that I would not question God and I would be faithful to Him even amidst the heartache.

Don't doubt in the darkness what God has shown you in the light.

God is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

God was very near and He was working His plan behind the scenes!

More to come....

It's the most wonderful time...of the year

Back to School! I enjoy having them home, but we're ready for some kind of routine. We all do better with it.

Stephen was a little grumpy this morning (as you may be able to see...that's a fake smile), but I was determined to get a back to school picture.

I'm praying they have a fabulous first day back!

Going Into Battle

As I was pulling the massive amounts of Bermuda grass out of my flowers beds, I knew there was a devotional challenge in it. I thought about sharing earlier in the week, but put it off. Now is the time…

Have you ever pulled Bermuda grass up? The roots run fairly shallow, but they spread like crazy. As you pull it up, there are roots that have taken ground all over the place. It starts out with just a small amount and pretty soon, it has overtaken your flower beds. Isn’t sin just like that in our lives? It starts out minor…with just a thought perhaps that we dwell on for too long or a small compromise that we make and then sometimes it’s more than that, we take action and say or do something that isn’t pleasing to the Lord. Before we know it, we have established a bad habit and/or allowed Satan to develop a stronghold in our lives. It can be negative thinking, bitterness, pride, unforgiveness, lust, greed, etc. It almost seems like our problems came out of nowhere, but it all begins small. Satan is crafty. He’s been at it for years. He understand the way we think and act.

So, I decided to reclaim our flower beds this week. It was extremely hard work because I had neglected them for months. The job isn’t completely done because there are roots hiding beneath the service that are just waiting to pop through the mulch. I had to sacrifice some plants because the weeds had become so intertwined in the plants, I didn’t think there was a way to completely rid the plants of the Bermuda.

Let me fast forward to later this week, I had a icky day yesterday. It was just yucky. I’ll spare you the details, but as Derek and I left for Bible study I just felt overwhelmed and tired. I thought “I can’t do this anymore. I’m tired. I don’t have anything left to give.” In that moment, I’m not sure what I was wanting to give up—my role as cook, my role as launderer, my role as personal shopper, my role as mom, my role as wife, my role as friend, my role as preschool director. Who knows? Just feeling like I needed to run. (Just for clarification, I didn’t really contemplate running away. I knew it was just emotions, which don’t always reflect truth.) As I sat in the quietness waiting for Bible study to start, I told the Lord “I need a word from You tonight. I’m tired. I need some strength to go on. Please let me hear from you.” Oh friends, our God does not disappoint. Rob S., Mike F. and Monty L. were on a “parenting panel” and I got a personal word from each of them.…not just about parenting, but about my life and my relationship with Christ. Then Monty brought a challenge charging us to engage in the war. What war? The cultural war, but also the spiritual war that is waging all around us. Oh I could feel the fire begin to burn in my soul. That’s what all this is about! There is a spiritual battle going on. I’m wanting to quit…to throw in the towel and just give up because it’s too hard and the cost is too great. Satan and his demons are cheering on the sidelines hoping that I’ll do just that. Or if I won’t quit, then maybe they can just discourage me enough to make me ineffective in my home, in my neighborhood, in my church.

God set my soul on fire again last night and I am declaring war on the enemy. I am reclaiming the ground that he has taken (look at Joel 2:25). Just as David ran toward Goliath (1 Samuel 17:48), I am running toward the battle line as well. I’m going to stand in the gap for my family and my church. Satan wants to steal, kill and destroy. We all need deliverance or victory in some area of our lives. It’s ours to claim. Stand up and take your place as a child of the King. There is no weapon formed against us that can prosper.

I’m going to be doing some “weeding” in my life. Some things may have to go. It’s probably going to hurt a little, but I am determined that God will find me a faithful soldier. Monty challenged us to not be content to be a “normal Christian”. There’s enough of those to go around, that’s not what I want for my life or my children’s lives.

So, I’m declaring war once again on the enemy! Will you join me? Will you do some weeding of your own and ask God to show you what needs to be removed? It won’t be easy. Satan will try to disrupt the work that God wants to do. Satan knows what will happen if revival really breaks out in America. Just as David said, “The battle is the Lord’s”, but we need to be engaged in the battle. Let’s stop playing defense and run towards the enemy. Let’s fight him off with the full armor of God! (Ephesians 6)

Let the war begin and let the revival begin and let it all begin with me!!

The Birthday Planner...I Am Not

Saturday was Matthew's 8th birthday. Birthdays are just not that big of a deal to me...why, I'm not sure? It just feels like another day to me. I don't expect any fuss on my birthday...if I could just sleep until 8 am, well that'd be great. :-)

Anyway, I understand to an 8 year old, a birthday is a big deal. There was a time when we threw the big "invite your friends" party, but then I got tired and decided it's expensive to do that three times a year. There's also the competition/comparison problem between women. (This is a whole other blog post) When I was in Zambia last summer, I felt like I was released from people pleasing. I was set free from feeling the need to live up to someone else...to compare my marriage or my parenting or my child's party to someone else's. I've been there, done that and I'm not jumping into that pit again.

Anyway, I told Matthew he could have a party or get a Nintendo DS. He opted for the DS. We did go away with some sweet friends for the weekend. We visited Beech Bend in Bowling Green on Friday and I got incredibly dizzy and sick. I've never felt so terrible in my life. Too many spinning rides, I suppose. Or maybe those birthdays are affecting me and I am feeling a day or two older!

Here's Matthew cracking up at his silly daddy acting scared on the previous ride.

We celebrated Matthew's birthday Friday evening...yes he loved wearing a crazy hat. It attracted a lot of attention (Matthew loves it!) and he also got free desserts for everyone.




On Saturday, we headed to Lost River Cave. Only to take pictures and realize that it was closed because of all the rain.



So we headed further north, to Diamond Caverns. And because I am not the birthday planner, it never occurred to me to ask the tour guide if we could sing Happy Birthday to Matthew in the deepest part of the cave. But the joy of good friends, Mr. Brian spoke up and a group of 25 on a tour of Diamond Caverns sang to Matthew. He enjoyed every last minute because like I've said before...he likes the attention! Overall, I think his birthday was a success!